Skip to Accessibility Tools Skip to Content Skip to Footer

A Love Letter to All Supportive Spouses

My Dear Supportive Spouse,

I can’t imagine how much harder my life would be without you. Living with rheumatoid arthritis, my days are hard enough as it is. The pain and fatigue can make it so difficult to do the activities and tasks I want to do, and can prevent me from doing some things altogether. Yet, when I think of how much more challenging life would be without all the support and love you provide, it’s immediately clear how lucky I am; unlucky in health, but lucky for having you.

There are so many times when you step in and help me. Without your assistance I would be far less productive, and far more overwhelmed and overloaded. You give me the opportunity to rest when I need it, and the reassurance I need to take advantage of that offered opportunity. I often feel like a burden, as I wish I could do everything independently and I hate adding my to-dos to your load. Yet, this guilt is self-generated, as you are never the one to make me feel anything less than completely worth your time and energy. You always rise to the occasion in supporting me, and the quest for improvement in my health is just as important to you as it is to me.

The support you provide is critically important during my darkest times. When RA is wreaking havoc on my life, disrupting plans, disconnecting me from others, preventing me from even resting comfortably or sleeping, it’s hard to stay positive. Sometimes I feel discouraged, frustrated, hopeless, angry, or depressed, yet I do not feel isolated because of you. Even though you don’t know exactly what it is I am feeling, you are always there to cheer me on, to remind me of how strong I am, to help me see that I can get through the seemingly impossible moments, to banish any thoughts that I am unloveable.

Not everyone is as fortunate in a partner as I am. Some people with chronic health issues find that when they most need their spouse, no help is to be found. The “in sickness and in health” portion of their wedding vows are pretty words to say on a happy day, rather than a solemn vow to help their partner in the hardest of times. Too many people find themselves divorced instead of supported, ignored instead of assisted, belittled instead of validated. There are so many individuals who deserve to have the compassion and kindness in their lives that you bestow daily on me.

I thank you with my whole heart for being a true partner, through the good times and the bad. Nothing conveys love more than your support during the worst of times. While I sometimes wonder how I’ll get through a day, your loving kindness keeps me from wondering how I’ll get through this life. We’ve weathered many hard times together, and reflecting on that gives me strength for the hard times ahead. I know that I can get through anything as long as I have you by my side. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

With all my love,

Your spouse with RA

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Eebtool
    2 years ago

    Awesome letter!
    My wife cares greatly for me, as I do for her, and she supports me when I have some off days, thank you Mr. RA. But she is also not afraid to let me have it and not let me get to far down a dark path. A bit of tough love is also a sign of caring.
    Sometimes we grumpy old guys need a kick in the rear.

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    2 years ago

    I’m so glad you enjoyed the letter, and always love to hear from community members who have supportive diseases, as we need all the support we can get! And as you say, sometimes that support can take the form of some tough love. Thanks so much for sharing! Wishing you all the best, Tamara

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    3 years ago

    I know exactly what you mean! I had a doctor that I loved because she was so caring (unlike your impression of your doctor), so I stayed with her for 10 years. However, her office was run so inefficiently that a visit to her office typically took 2-4 hours from the time I entered the office until the time I left. I voiced my frustration several times and even wrote about this, but things never changed. I left almost two years ago, and my new rheumatologist is not only very efficient, but also much more active in trying to find the best possible treatment plan for me. I’ve been very happy I made the switch. I hope you are likewise happy with your new doctor!

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    3 years ago

    I’m so glad you liked the letter, Weni, and that you have such a supportive spouse. Thank you for sharing!

  • LeeSylvester
    3 years ago

    Beautiful. I wish I could write something like that for my wife, who is my rock.

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    3 years ago

    Thank you, Lee! I’m so glad that you have a strong support in your life. My hope in writing the letter was that it could be shared with spouses by those who may find it hard to find the right words to express their appreciation.

  • Lawrence 'rick' Phillips
    3 years ago

    Tamara: What a great letter. In the diabetes community we call our partners the type 3’s. They are people who diabetes impacts, but who do not have the condition. We regard our type 3’s as equally impacted by diabetes. I wish we int he RA community also had a specific designation for our spouses. Maybe they should be PartnerRA or PRA’s?

    I loved your blog and if you wish to see a different blog I wrote about a similar topic on my web site.

    rick

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    3 years ago

    Hi Rick, I’m so glad you enjoyed the letter. I love the suggestions about spousal designations. Thanks for sharing!

  • Rwalcutt
    3 years ago

    Very nice letter. As a spouse myself, I try my best to be as supportive as your spouse is for you and believe very much in the vows I took “in sickness and in health”. I want to always be there beside my wife doing things together as a team. Someone she knows is there on the bench watching the game but at same time ready to come in for the assist when called upon.

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    3 years ago

    That’s a lovely analogy. Your wife is lucky to have you, and I know your support makes a huge difference in her quality of life.

  • Poll