Early Days Ramblings

Hello friends…I was diagnosed four months ago. I am 51 years young. I was/am struggling a lot with having to take Methotrexate. My GP put me on Prednisone while I awaited my consult with the Rheumatologist. When I took that first dose of the steroid I felt amazing! Hmmm…what does that mean? I felt warm…calm and almost pain free. The steroid had a weird effect/affect on me. I felt like ‘everything in my world was okay’. I just had a sense, all over of ok-ness.

My Hesitation

I was so scared to take the Methotrexate. The specialist gave me a couple of options re: medication. One of the meds could possibly have adverse affects on my kidneys and liver…the second option for meds…it could cause blindness.I opted for the possible adverse affects on my kidneys and liver. I kinda thought….well if this goes ass up at least I could get a kidney and or liver transplant….blindness? ….well that’s a no win situation. Seriously though I was so scared of taking the ‘Chemo drug’.

I am sure you all know how it goes….googling side effects..then that leads one on to googling the side effects of the side effects that leads one on to googling the side effects of the side effects of the side effects!

My already lowered mood was becoming lower so I figured I had nothing to lose. I swallowed that little Methotrexate pill…(oh did I mention that the chemist where I got my script filled looked at me with one eyebrow raised and asked..’Have you had this medication before’?…whereby I, on jelly legs, trying to look unaffected by his question answered….’Ahhh, no?’…He replied…’Ok, well just ensure you wash your hands thoroughly after taking the Methotrexate as it is a toxic substance’. To which I replied….looking all brave and unaffected…’ yes, yes, ok!)

It took me 7 weeks to find bravery to swallow it. I have only had one dose….followed by the Folate. It is too early to tell of the possible positive effects. Yet I can say that so far….even though I have only had one 10 mg tablet….I have had no adverse effects. Understanding this disease has been and continues to be a major learning curve. It is so hard to explain how RA affects me day to day to people who have no knowledge of RA.

RA’s affect on me

Some of the things I have noticed that may be as a result of the RA are;

  • An all over feeling of unwellness
  • A foggy brain
  • Feeling like every movement takes a monumental effort
  • Feeling like I am walking backwards over sand
  • Feelings of hopelessness due to pain and knowing this is a progressive disease
  • Headaches
  • Exhaustion from doing very little
  • A very sore jaw
  • I could list a load of things yet I am remembering I am posting this on an RA site….thus you all will ‘get it’! The one comment that has stuck with me that I heard from three friends was…’ Well it could be worse…you could have cancer’! To which I replied ‘ Yes, that would then be easier for you to understand’. On hard days I wish I did have cancer. Sorry for saying that as I am very great full I don’t. Just some days are sh*t.

    Thank you to whom ever read my rambling post. Go gently, be kind to yourself. Love from me.

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