Fear

About 7 years ago I was having regular bouts with diverticulitis. This is when I noticed cramping in my feet to where I could hardly walk. Then the cramping and pain in my knees and legs. I felt like a cripple and was in screaming pain. The pain began migrating to my shoulders and two other areas of my body every other day. It felt like two pitbull dogs were biting me and not letting go for 2 days straight in different areas of my body.

After many tests and lab work and threatening the doctors with abandonment they just put me on different drugs that did nothing. So I researched myself and told my doctor I wanted to be put on Prednisone which did help. They finally gave me an RA Factor test and it came back 533. Now they understood why I was in so much pain. The prednisone and Methotrexate worked okay for about 5 years to where I could live. Then the Methotrexate stopped working and they wanted to put me on Enbrel. But it would cost me $1,400 a month. I could not afford that and was terrified of pain. I am also a diabetic and have an under-active thyroid besides seasonal allergies.

So I have three autoimmune diseases. I seem to get bladder and kidney problems easily. Staying very strict on a diet of green drinks no sugar and vegan seem to help. Then 6 months ago I fell and broke my right arm and a month later I fell again and broke my femur. It was a living hell and I was in rehab for a month. The are a complicated everything. Side effect of the narcotics made me have a strangulated bowel. I was beginning to feel like Jobe and wanted to curse God and die.

Without the love of a great husband my chiropractor and prayer I don’t think I would be alive today. Calcium magnesium and zinc seem to help too. Sometimes I get chemical imbalances and cry all day and have bad mood swings. Only through much prayer have I survived and I’m thankful for that. I try to stay positive but sometimes I have panic attacks and fear of pain.

Thank you for listening to my story and for sharing yours because I don’t feel so alone now.

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