I Am Defeated

I was diagnosed with RA in June of 2014. I had been telling my Dr. that I was exhausted for a long time but blew it off. I was taking care of my mother at the time and just thought I needed a break so I blew it off as well. I did catch everything under the sun as well and thought my immune system was just compromised due to wearing myself down. Then one day I woke up with excruciating pain in my ankles and hips. Again, I thought I had overdone it as I was very active. I waited six weeks and when it didn’t go away; I went to my Dr. I had never had a full physical so I requested one. I thought that since I went through menopause at the age of 36 that maybe I had early osteoporosis. Made sense to me if my bones hurt. Four days later I received the results. Yes, I did have osteoporosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis as my RA factor was high. What a trip it has been since. I have never achieved remission. My symptoms have increased. The pain is overwhelming. I have been on two meds. I am currently on Methotrexate but it has not been effective. I have switched Dr.’s twice and I pray the new one is going to be the one that will make a difference. I work full time. I say that but in reality I miss a lot of work. I can go two or three weeks and then I’m down a couple of days. I try to keep up with the house, the laundry, the cooking. I just can’t anymore and I don’t know what the answer is. Walking feels like I am walking on crush and run. Sitting for too long causes pain in my hips. Working out gives me bursitis in my elbows and shoulders. I feel like everyone is waiting for this to get better and don’t understand that it’s not. My boss, my coworkers, my husband, my family. This disease has taken everything from me. How are you supposed to live like this?

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