My Pain

Hi I’ve been without health insurance for almost 2 years. I suffer daily I decided to put my pain on paper Here I go.

I wear a cloak of pain, a being, an entity, almost human, but not. This cloak has changed me, weighed me down, slowed my footsteps, sucked my happiness from my very core. I plead with this cloak, leave me alone, go away. At times cloak is quiet. It is then and only then, when I can breath deeper, laugh louder, love harder, hold loved ones close. Alas cloak always makes his presence known. In those times I want to scream, but wait, I am screaming, deep inside with every turn of a knob, or staircase I climb.

At times at night I awaken, shivering from the cold, I concentrate on that one objective, pull the blanket up, the cloak tightens its grip, I can’t move it not one inch, my fingers feel as If they are being torn from their sockets. I cry for help. I hear a reply, faint like a whisper on the wind. It grows louder, I still myself, ” are you here to help?” I ask with hope building inside. The faint voice gets louder, until it booms in my head like thunder. The cloak is laughing and evil laugh. I yell and tear at the cloak begging for a fight, a fight I know I can not win, so I lay there cold and excepting, the pain too great the feat too difficult. In the darkness I cry, anguish is crushing me, stealing my soul, stealing my breath, stealing me.

Me, I’m still here somewhere, I know I am. I watch people with almost a ravenous hunger. The way they run or dance, or doing something as simple as bending down to hold their children or grandchildren to walk without the cloak. I get angry watching these people. I scream why me cloak? What have I done to deserve this? I have tried to take the cloak off, but it has embedded itself into my skin, it’s filthy tentacles reaching deep inside, always seeking a new place to hide, a new place to unleash its fury.

Why would cloak pick me? Maybe he thought I was strong enough, strong enough for this unrelenting pain.He was wrong thank you all for taking the time to read this.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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