Forums


General Discussion

Mourning The Life I Used To Have

  • By KB253

    Anybody out there mourning the life you used to live?
    As we start spring I miss biking to work, running in short races and walking to best golf course in the Puget Sound. How have you handled these feelings?

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply
  • By Merry

    For Me, KB253, I am mourning the life I was supposed to have.

    My big flare and diagnosis came just as my youngest child left for college. I’d dedicated 20+ years to raising the kids and it was time to decide what I wanted to do for me. Apparently, I’m supposed to spend this time learning how to take care of myself. I was looking forward camping and hiking with my husband. Eventually, I’m hoping to get there. Shorter hikes and no primitive campsites.

    Dealing with the feelings of what I’ve missed has led me to start a kind of a graditude practice. I decided to concentrate on the things I can do. I do still acknowledge that I cant take the long hike, but I can enjoy a short walk in the park. And I am determined to truly enjoy that walk, not tell my self I’m just settling.

    I’ve started doing things I wouldn’t have before: restorative yoga, tai chi, meditation. They are not the things I did before but I wouldn’t have done them otherwise. I found what I can go and I’m trying to do them with the same energy I did things before. That said, it took more than a year to feel this way. I think there is a mourning period.

    I also live in Washington State, it’s to cold and rainy to go running anyway!

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply
  • By CaseyH Moderator

    Hi KB253 and Merry,

    KB253-I just wanted to let you know that you are so not alone in these feelings, as evidenced by Merry’s awesome share. I’m sure there are many others in the community that you may stumble upon (or who may add to this thread too!) that have very similar feelings. We so hear you in these feelings, and can feel your frustration and pain. Please know we’re here for you always, even if it’s just when you need a friend to vent to.

    Merry-I absolutely loved your response to KB253. This is such an awesome share, and your attitude is amazing. I love how you’ve been able to find the positives in things. I especially love your final line about living in Washington state! What an incredible outlook! Thank you so much for sharing how you cope with your RA battle. I’m sure it will make a difference in many of our community members’ journeys.

    For the both of you, I thought you may resonate on these two articles regarding mouring the loss of your old life and coping with RA, if you ever want to check them out. No pressure! You can find these here if you’re interested, https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/blog/mourning-what-could-have-been/ and https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/coping-with-it/

    Wishing you both the best, and sending gentle hugs your way! -Casey, RheumatoidArthritis.net Team

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply
  • By Lac294

    Yes, that has what has hit me the hardest. I even told my doc that the life I used to have is over. Right now I am working on my diet and supplements. Just found out that Nettle works on suppressing the TNF alpha compound, which is a function of a very expensive prescription. I know she wants me to go on meds but I am not willing to do that at this point.

    Would it be easier than reading every label, throwing all the food I had in the house out and spending less on cheap food? Certainly. But if I just went to prescription meds I would never find out if the old leaky gut theory is correct. I’ve met people who have corrected, not suppressed, their immune systems so I have to try.

    Accepting the disease has been hard. Accepting how awful our food supply actually is feels like another loss. My old way of living and eating seem to be a thing of the past. But hey, the good news is I dropped five pounds in the last week!

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply