By Mary Blooms
I am a 54 year old wife and mother of 2 young women in their 20’s and 4 adult step children. My wonderful husband and I are coming up on out 20th anniversary. I have have had RA for about 11 year now, but no one could ask for better support than I have in my husband. He is always there with a hot pack, cold pack, puts gas in the car, keeps anyone from bothering me if I am napping. Here was there all 7 joint surgeries, and helped me recover from each. When the last child left for college we sold our great big 2 story house and he helped design our house that is perfect for person with disabilities.
Two years ago, my husband who has never smoked,or drank, who liked 30 mile bike rides was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Of course, our lives turned upside down. They gave him 6 months. He is still here. Only 1 to 2 % make it past 2 years but every time they do a scan more tumors pop up. I had to quit my job after one year. I developed severe depression. My biologic stopped working. It took my insurance company and Doctor 3 months to figure out which one I could try next.
I never planned for this, to be alone. Financially, I will be fine because that is what is what wonderful husbands take care of. I worry about what I will do as the disease progresses and I am alone. I don’t want to impose on my girls who are just getting their lives started. My mother already lives with my sister.
I did not think I would get this extra time with my husband. When he is up to it he still likes to take care of me. His first words to me after we found out his diagnosis were “I am so sorry, I promised I would be with you until we were old and grey” so I try to be strong and work on a plan to ease his mind so he knows I will be taken care of when I need it. It’s scary, but I hope that is what a wonderful wife would do.