How To Try A New Medication In 100 Easy Steps! (Because If We Don’t Laugh, We’ll Cry)

Ready to try a new medication? Just follow these 100 easy steps and you’ll be giving it a try it in no time! (Since this is only a slight exaggeration, I hope we can all laugh about it together! Otherwise we'll cry for sure!)

How to start a new medication

1. Decide to try a new medication.
2. Call your insurance company.
3. Listen to a long message.
4. Press 3.
5. Listen to another long message.
6. Press 1.
7. Wait on hold.
8. Wait on hold some more.
9. Finally reach a human.
10. Ask if the medication is covered.
11. Get placed on hold again.
12. Get an answer.
13. If the answer is no, cry a little and go back to step 1.
14. If the answer is yes, find out that you will need prior authorization from your doctor.
15. Call your doctor and give them the number to submit the prior authorization.
16. Call your insurance company back.
17. Listen to a long message.
18. Press 3.
19. Listen to another long message.
20. Press 1.
21. Wait on hold.
22. Wait on hold some more.
23. Finally reach a human.
24. Ask how much the new medication will cost.
25. Find out the medication falls into a specialty tier, which will make it extremely expensive.
26. Cry a little.
27. Research co-pay assistance programs.
28. Call the co-pay assistance program.
29. Be surprised when an actual human answers the phone.
30. Ask about whether or not you qualify to enroll.
31. If you don’t qualify, cry a little. Decide whether you will be able to afford the expense without assistance. If not, go back to step 1.
32. If you qualify, rejoice that the medication may be somewhat affordable.
33. Listen to the agent read a bunch of disclaimers.
34. Agree to the disclaimers because it’s the only way to afford the medication.
35. Give them a bunch of personal information.
36. Listen to a delightful reading of the risks and possible negative side effects you may have to look forward to.
37. After your co-pay assistance card is finally activated, take a nap because by this point you are certainly exhausted.
38. Later, call your insurance company back to find out which pharmacy you need to use.
39. Listen to a long message.
40. Press 3.
41. Listen to another long message.
42. Press 1.
43. Wait on hold.
44. Wait on hold some more.
45. Finally reach a human.
46. Find out that you need to use a specialty pharmacy.
47. Call your doctor and give them the number for the specialty pharmacy.
48. Call the specialty pharmacy to set up delivery of your new medication.
49. Press 9.
50. Press 3.
51. Wait on hold.
52. Wait on hold some more.
53. Finally reach a human.
54. Despite following the prompts correctly, be informed that you have somehow reached the billing department.
55. Ask to be transferred.
56. Wait on hold some more.
57. Finally reach the correct human.
58. Find out that the prior authorization hasn’t gone through yet.
59. Call your doctor to ask about the prior authorization.
60. Leave a message.
61. Wait for a response.
62. If you’re lucky, your doctor’s nurse will assure you that the prior authorization has already been sent.
63. If you’re unlucky go back to step 59.
64. Call the specialty pharmacy back.
65. Press 9.
66. Press 3.
67. Wait on hold.
68. Wait on hold some more.
69. While waiting, listen to a recording about how much the pharmacy cares about you.
70. Finally reach a human.
71. Be informed that the prior authorization still has not gone through.
72. Insist that your doctor already sent it.
73. Be told to call back tomorrow.
74. Call back the next day.
75. Press 9.
76. Press 3.
77. Wait on hold.
78. Wait on hold some more.
79. Finally reach a human.
80. If you are lucky, find out that the specialty pharmacy has finally found your prior authorization.
81. If you are unlucky, go back to step 59.
82. Pick a date for delivery of your new medication.
83. The pharmacy will ask whether you will be available to sign for the medication.
84. Ask what time the medication will be delivered.
85. The pharmacy will not be able to give you a time at all.
86. Decide to risk liability if the medication is lost or stolen because you can’t afford to wait around all day for it to arrive.
87. The pharmacy will ask for a credit card to charge you the extremely expensive co-pay.
88. Give them the co-pay assistance information instead.
89. It won’t work.
90. Call the co-pay assistance program back.
91. Ask what information the pharmacy actually needs.
92. Call the specialty pharmacy back.
93. Press 9.
94. Press 3.
95. Wait on hold.
96. Wait on hold some more.
97. Finally reach a human.
98. Go through all the same information you went through on your previous calls.
99. At long last, actually order your new medication.
100. Cross your fingers that it actually arrives.

Congratulations! It’s a simple as that! Now all you have to do is wait two months to see if the medication actually works! If not, go back to step 1.