A Battle or a Journey?
I’ll be honest. I’ve been absent from writing for almost a year now. Why?
I feel like I have been in an increasingly difficult battle with rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, coronary artery spasm, atrial fibrillation, hypertension, small airways disease, anemia, and back and hip pain. All of this increased my depression and decreased my motivation. Getting out of bed required monumental effort, and work was off the charts! I also was battling loneliness and the changes that require a reset to my social and personal life.
I've always felt like a warrior
Recently, I read an article by one of our contributors that stopped me in my tracks. They said they look at their time with rheumatoid arthritis as a journey, not a battle! I have always felt like a rheumatoid arthritis warrior. It’s how I’ve gotten through my days. I quit reading and tried to shove the concept aside.
The journey concept kept after me, like a thorn in my brain. I went back to the article and finished reading. I had a better understanding but still felt my inner warrior queen was being threatened. Even so, the thorn kept poking my brain... on and on and on. Finally, I realized that there was no escape. There was something in this that I needed to learn and understand.
Looking to literature for perspective
Following my usual pattern, I prayed for clarity and calm. I then pulled out my favorite authors. Warren Kinghorn has written an amazing book called Wayfaring. He writes about his work with mental health clients at the Duke Divinity School. Warren states that we are all on a JOURNEY with our physical, mental, and spiritual selves. If we are wayfarers, we journey alongside and with.
Kate Bowler has several books she wrote in response to her diagnosis of stage 4 colon cancer in her late 30s. My favorite is Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved. Kate talks about real life journeys, not the "Facebook Perfect Lives."
Making treatment decisions with less stress
Slowly but surely, I realized that journeying with diseases gave me less stress than being at war all the time. I can look at my diseases with objectivity. It allows me to make decisions for treatment based on the effects of the disease, not what the disease dictates.
I recognized my last flare early, was able to email my provider, and was in the office for a steroid shot within an hour of recognition. In addition, I finally got an iron infusion for my anemia. My pain and fatigue were reduced, and I was able to return to work and personal life with clarity.
Looking back on the journey, I recognized my Orencia infusion had made a huge difference. I also went back to my physiotherapist. They have been able to reduce my back pain and hip pain.
Shifting my mindset
The peace I have gained by shifting my mindset from warrior to journeyer is a true blessing. I realize my warrior queen is still there if I need her, but I choose to journey with and not combat my diseases. Will it all be rainbows and butterflies? Of course not. I choose to be positive each day, and journeying is helping me.
I would love to hear your comments and ideas!
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