What a Year

2020 was going to be a big year for me. Roughly six months ago, I wrote about how this year would be a struggle for me. I “celebrated” my 30th birthday, which I had mixed feelings about. This is also going to be my 10 year diagnosis anniversary, which I have definite feelings about.

And that’s all that was weighing on my mind moving into 2020. I had NO idea what was in store.

Milestones, COVID-19, and other life changes

My 30th birthday and RA diagnosis anniversary

Gratefully, my 30th birthday was a big celebration. My entire family made a huge deal about it and even got me presents! I am not a big birthday person to begin with, but I think they knew I was struggling with the idea that ten years have passed since everything changed.

Nursing my cat back to health

My first milestone went well! It was not as bad as I thought. Except that from that point, Marmalade, my eldest cat, started to crash. She had progressing kidney disease and was losing weight rapidly. She stopped eating on her own and I had to hand feed her and yet, she continued to lose weight. But then, she got better in March. Things were looking up.

The COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown

Yeah, right! We started March with a lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic and were mostly confined to our homes. An entirely new lifestyle was about to start.

Well..sh*t. Our species as a whole was in danger but, humans are adaptable; we could figure this out.

The death of my cat and the declining health of my other pets

Then April came and Hell enveloped me in a way I never saw coming. Marmalade crashed and died very suddenly. I had seen the signs for months, but I just thought she would bounce back like she always did.

A few days later, I found out that my other cat, Sunsilk, was also in decline but with both kidney and heart disease. Affie has severe heart disease and there is a very real possibility I might lose all three of my girls this year.

They are all older than the pyramids. Marmalade was almost 19 years old. Sunsilk just turned 17 and Affie is almost 15. The vets assured me that these were all old-age complications, but part of me wonders if there was an environmental factor. What are the odds that all three of my pets get sick around the same time??

It seems like everything is happening at once

I mean, like, this is a pretty horrible year. I WISH I only had to deal with my 30th birthday and 10 year anniversary. Those things seem so trivial now! I don’t want to minimize my feelings because they were real but, my goodness, compared to what I’m feeling now, yeah, they feel pretty insignificant.

The cherry on top is that my RA is no longer well-managed. Stress might be a factor, but I was starting to feel off long before everything happened this year.

I am grateful for what I have

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for a lot. I am happy. I am healthy, I have access to my doctors and healthcare, for me and my pets. I still have a job. My family is healthy, though separated because of quarantine. And, I am living comfortably and safely. And, there are some other great things coming up that I don’t want to talk about yet until they’re final.

What will the rest of the year bring?

Things are good but, regardless, this is shaping up to be one of my worst years yet; and, it’s not even half over. What is the rest of it going to bring? In a few months, I might again write, "What in the world was I thinking??"

I feel positive, but I also feel sad. I always said 2020 was going to be a hallmark year. I just didn't anticipate so much change! I think there is more in store for me over the next six months but is it bad I would just like a little redundancy for a while?