Fatigue Relapse: Or, How to Handle the Emotional and Physical Pain of RA Fatigue
I’ve been way too fatigued lately. Too tired. It feels that I have to exert so much more effort to accomplish the things that people my age can do with relative ease, and unfortunately, I find myself thinking: this isn’t fair. Why did I have to get diagnosed with RA? Why did I have to, in essence, surrender the youth that was at an expanse in front of me for a life of living at home with my ibuprofen bottles, my ankle and wrist wraps, and my Humira pens in the fridge?
Feeling like no one understands
So much of my life has changed, and my feelings about those changes come in waves: sometimes I feel that everything is okay, that I feel somewhat inspired by having RA, as it gives me a different lens on the world around me (emphasis on the somewhat); but on the other end of the spectrum, I feel like I do in writing this article now — that my world is crumbling, that no one really understands me.
Realistically, I know that people do understand me. I mean, I have the opportunity to write for a massive community of people who specifically have rheumatoid arthritis, who know all the intricate struggles that come from having a chronic illness, and who, even if they cannot relate personally, can extend support in saying, “I’ve been there, and I see you.” There’s something special that happens when you hear that from someone who has been through the struggles you go through, too. It’s hard to explain.
The emotional and physical pain of chronic illness
One of my friends who has a chronic illness — Ehlers-Danlos syndrome — was talking recently about how the physical pain she experiences serves as a reminder of the continuing damage her body experiences, which in turn takes a mental toll. She relayed that one of the biggest problems was that the physical/emotional pain was a reminder of the continual decline of her body, the loss of abilities as time progresses.
This was such a stark reminder and completely hit me, too, like a punch in the gut, because I have also been having these feelings.
The difference between reconciling and dealing with RA feelings
The problem then becomes: what can you realistically do about those feelings? How is it possible to reconcile such difficult feelings when you’re young?
I used to think that you had to reconcile these feelings, but recently I’ve been toying with the idea that maybe it isn’t possible and that that is okay. This is a situation that shouldn’t be happening to me — although I try not to use should-based language, I think it’s okay to include that here — so why should I be trying to reconcile it?
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View all responsesTo be clear, there is a difference between reconciling with these feelings and dealing with them. Reconciling would mean forcing a solution; dealing with the feelings means recognizing that they are there but not that they must become a part of my life or require something from me that is more of a burden than dealing with them. I think reconciling also has this connotation that I have to “fix” something when, in my estimation, my fatigue, my body, and my RA are not things to “fix”; they just are, and I must deal with them.
Taking RA into consideration
All in all, the physical pain of having RA also has emotional connotations and burdens. RA pain affects me emotionally and physically, and it makes me realize how much I have to consider in my everyday life.
How do you manage the day-to-day physical and emotional impacts of RA? Share with us in the comments below.
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