How To Try A New Medication In 100 Easy Steps! (Because If We Don’t Laugh, We’ll Cry)
Ready to try a new medication? Just follow these 100 easy steps and you’ll be giving it a try it in no time! (Since this is only a slight exaggeration, I hope we can all laugh about it together! Otherwise we'll cry for sure!)
How to start a new medication
- Decide to try a new medication.
- Call your insurance company.
- Listen to a long message.
- Press 3.
- Listen to another long message.
- Press 1.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- Ask if the medication is covered.
- Get placed on hold again.
- Get an answer.
- If the answer is no, cry a little and go back to step 1.
- If the answer is yes, find out that you will need prior authorization from your doctor.
- Call your doctor and give them the number to submit the prior authorization.
- Call your insurance company back.
- Listen to a long message.
- Press 3.
- Listen to another long message.
- Press 1.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- Ask how much the new medication will cost.
- Find out the medication falls into a specialty tier, which will make it extremely expensive.
- Cry a little.
- Research co-pay assistance programs.
- Call the co-pay assistance program.
- Be surprised when an actual human answers the phone.
- Ask about whether or not you qualify to enroll.
- If you don’t qualify, cry a little. Decide whether you will be able to afford the expense without assistance. If not, go back to step 1.
- If you qualify, rejoice that the medication may be somewhat affordable.
- Listen to the agent read a bunch of disclaimers.
- Agree to the disclaimers because it’s the only way to afford the medication.
- Give them a bunch of personal information.
- Listen to a delightful reading of the risks and possible negative side effects you may have to look forward to.
- After your co-pay assistance card is finally activated, take a nap because by this point you are certainly exhausted.
- Later, call your insurance company back to find out which pharmacy you need to use.
- Listen to a long message.
- Press 3.
- Listen to another long message.
- Press 1.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- Find out that you need to use a specialty pharmacy.
- Call your doctor and give them the number for the specialty pharmacy.
- Call the specialty pharmacy to set up delivery of your new medication.
- Press 9.
- Press 3.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- Despite following the prompts correctly, be informed that you have somehow reached the billing department.
- Ask to be transferred.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach the correct human.
- Find out that the prior authorization hasn’t gone through yet.
- Call your doctor to ask about the prior authorization.
- Leave a message.
- Wait for a response.
- If you’re lucky, your doctor’s nurse will assure you that the prior authorization has already been sent.
- If you’re unlucky go back to step 59.
- Call the specialty pharmacy back.
- Press 9.
- Press 3.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- While waiting, listen to a recording about how much the pharmacy cares about you.
- Finally reach a human.
- Be informed that the prior authorization still has not gone through.
- Insist that your doctor already sent it.
- Be told to call back tomorrow.
- Call back the next day.
- Press 9.
- Press 3.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- If you are lucky, find out that the specialty pharmacy has finally found your prior authorization.
- If you are unlucky, go back to step 59.
- Pick a date for delivery of your new medication.
- The pharmacy will ask whether you will be available to sign for the medication.
- Ask what time the medication will be delivered.
- The pharmacy will not be able to give you a time at all.
- Decide to risk liability if the medication is lost or stolen because you can’t afford to wait around all day for it to arrive.
- The pharmacy will ask for a credit card to charge you the extremely expensive co-pay.
- Give them the co-pay assistance information instead.
- It won’t work.
- Call the co-pay assistance program back.
- Ask what information the pharmacy actually needs.
- Call the specialty pharmacy back.
- Press 9.
- Press 3.
- Wait on hold.
- Wait on hold some more.
- Finally reach a human.
- Go through all the same information you went through on your previous calls.
- At long last, actually order your new medication.
- Cross your fingers that it actually arrives.
Congratulations! It’s a simple as that! Now all you have to do is wait two months to see if the medication actually works! If not, go back to step 1.
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