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The Human Eggshell

When I’m in a flare, every subtle sensation on my body can be agonizing. This is hard enough to contend with when I’m by myself, in those moments when the gentle pressure of a seat belt on my hip or each little bump in the road causes a jolt of pain, or when I can’t sleep under the covers because the weight of the blankets feels too heavy on an aching ankle or knee. However, when I’m around others these moments can be even tougher as people who love me inadvertently cause me pain; the vulnerability of such extreme sensitivity makes me feel like I’m a human eggshell.

Before I was a mother, I had these moments with other adults. I have some friends and relatives who are firm huggers, and one of their embraces can make the pain in my shoulders and elbows shift from an ache to a sharp, stabbing sensation. My husband might squeeze my hand in an attempt to express his love and concern, yet instead it shoots the pain in my swollen fingers from a “6” to a “9” on the 1-10 pain scale. And intimacy in the midst of a flare, when not downright impossible, has to be approached with the care and precision of someone detonating a bomb.

Once I added kids to my daily mix, my human eggshell moments have become not only hard on my body, but also hard on my heart. When my hips are bad I have to tell my two-year old son to stop clamoring on me, and tell my four-year old daughter that she can’t sit on my lap for story time. Even having one of them cuddle against me can cause too much pressure on my joints to bear. They are too young to understand why these actions, which I usually respond to with joy, are suddenly off limits. Even the vibrations of them running through the room or jumping up and down can jolt my joints, causing me to ask them to settle down when ordinarily I’d be happy for them to get out some of their energy. When one of them steps on my swollen toe joints I can’t always contain a yelp of pain, and they are a bit bewildered that they could elicit such a big reaction from such a small movement.

I do my best to explain that sometimes my bones hurt because they are sick. My daughter will tell me to go to the doctor and my son will ask to see my boo boo. A chronic condition that flares up inconsistently makes no sense to them, as fortunately they are healthy kids and in their experience a trip to the doctor or a band aid and a kiss to make it better usually do, in fact, make it better. In these moments, as they grasp, unsuccessfully, to understand what it is I’m experiencing, I reflect on just what a crazy disease this is. I have a hard enough time understanding it myself, and I’ve lived with it for many years. There are so many aspects of having arthritis that are difficult to bear, but the occasional need to keep the people I love at an arm’s length is one of the things I hate the most.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Glenda McDonald
    4 years ago

    Oh my!
    As I read your article I felt like you could have been writing my story! My family knows that I’m in pain of some sort, but does not really “get it” that pain of some kind is almost ALWAYS present. I thank my lucky stars that my husband does get it. He is my saving grace!
    I am so glad that you and the other moderators write these articles and that I was smart enough to join this great forum!
    Thank you for writing “our stories” for the rest of us.

    Glenda McDonald

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    4 years ago

    I’m so glad you found the article helpful, Glenda! In the movie Shadowlands a character says, “We read to know we are not alone.” I’m grateful for this online community, so that we all know we are not alone, even when we may feel that way in our day to day lives.

  • Debb
    4 years ago

    Thank you for writing about your experiences with the hypersensitivity that accompanies an RA flare! It is always comforting to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way!! I am in the midst of a really nasty flare up and am dealing with the “please don’t walk so hard honey it jiggles the floor which jiggles my chair which makes me hurt” level of sensitivity!! For many years I didn’t know that this was a real part of having RA and was afraid to say something to my rheumatologist for fear of sounding like a hypochondriac!! I happened to see a comment on a RA support site and felt so happy to know I wasn’t alone!! I did say something to my Dr and found out that this was a real thing…that made me feel better too!! I laid in my recliner (I haven’t been able to sleep in a bed for 5+ years) last night, trying to go to sleep, but unable to because the light weight blanket I had over my legs was just too heavy and causing too much pain! I ended up crying myself right into a 20 minute nap!!

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    4 years ago

    I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, and I thank you for sharing them with our community. It is hard to find comfort when feeling so bad, but it’s true that knowing we are not alone does help.

  • Jane Burbach
    4 years ago

    I have experienced issues with others touching me and it can be difficult. Most recently my husband touched me with cold hands and fingers. For me it was like torture even when he was touching me nicely with love. I was also in the midst of a flare that made it worse. And I have Raynauds. Cold to me is pain and I wish it were not so.

  • Tamara Haag moderator author
    4 years ago

    Thanks for sharing your experiences, Jane. I also wish it were not so!

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