Much Pain, No Gain - Living Life with Limits in a "No Limit" World

Most of our lives, from a very young age, we are told to "overcome your limitations," "don’t let your shortcomings hold you back," and "work hard and you can do anything." From teachers to grandparents to random influencers/models on Instagram – everyone seems to be pushing the "you can overcome" narrative pretty much 24/7.

So how do you reconcile that when living with chronic illness and disability when there are things you literally can’t do?

A results-based society

Unfortunately, the world we live in is a results-based society. What does that mean? Well, we tend to judge people’s success not on how much effort they put in but on what the end product looks like.

Athletes, business people, actors – it doesn’t matter how long they trained, went to school, or worked at the local video store acting like a movie snob – we only talk about "success" when there are positive results, tangible returns, and evident gains.

It’s just how our society works and it can be a very difficult thing for someone living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) or any other chronic illness.

We put pushing past limitations on a pedestal

With RA, your life pretty much revolves around limitations. Like it or not, there are just some things you won’t be able to do RA and, really, any chronic illness.

Long work sessions, intense physical labor, and going without sleep – all things that "healthy" people do without a second thought - are next to impossible when you live with chronic illness and disability and things that, unfortunately, usually go hand-in-hand with that whole "work hard/get rewarded" mythos that seems to be all-encompassing (at least here in America).

We put pushing past your limitations on a pedestal and fill that particular pantheon with "heroes of overcoming" to look up to.

Boundaries set by my RA and its comorbidities

Enter me, stage left, to this allegorical temple built to "no limits" as I stare at my ankle brace and have my fourth cup of coffee to stave off the ever-encroaching fatigue that puts a dead-stop on my daily activities at a time of its determining, which is never shared with me until it hits.

Pushing past limitations can be downright dangerous

Looking up at the giant statue of performance that adorns the entrance, I can only feel 1 thing – lacking. Why? Because I have limitations, my life is built around limitations, in fact, and I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out how to get things done within the boundaries set by my illness.

I am fenced in by the hard stops that rheumatoid arthritis and its comorbidities have foisted upon me, and pushing past them is not only unwise but can be downright dangerous at times. Does all that mean I am unworthy? Maybe. Will I still be asked to do that Gatorade commercial? Probably not.

How much is too much?

It’s ironic – we are told that keeping a positive outlook and an upbeat outlook can and does help, especially when it comes to rheumatoid arthritis and other chronic illnesses. Sometimes our physicians harp on it, in fact, and there are even multiple studies out there that have proved a link between feeling good mentally and feeling good physically.

On the other hand, our physicians and peers tell us we need to accept our limitations and respect the boundaries our bodies put in place by not doing "too much" or taking too many unnecessary risks. Welp, that’s a mixed message if I’ve ever heard one.

We are tough, resourceful, and diligent

As you can imagine, this cognitive dissonance doesn’t affect our mental state in a very positive way. Begin told to "live life with no limits", "YOLO" and, my personal favorite, "push through the pain" every time you turn on a screen takes its toll. The tragic part is that if the metric of "effort" was added to the calculus, people who live with chronic illness and disability would win every single time!

We exert a lot of effort

Sometimes, we exert more effort getting dressed in the morning than most people do throughout the entire day! Everything we do is a chore, and there is no such thing as a pain-free day – we always have to rise above or else we’d never get out of bed. Those of us who live with rheumatoid arthritis and other incurable illnesses are some of the toughest, most resourceful, and most diligent people on the planet.

We are just lacking in that 1 category – results - which, according to just about everyone, is the only metric that matters. It’s a shame and a slap in the face to those of us who get up every day and press on against insurmountable odds.

"No pain, no gain." It’s the age-old axiom that more or less sums up the attitude we hold toward success. I think it should be changed, though, to “Much pain, no gain.” That’s a much more accurate representation of what people with RA and other chronic illnesses and disabilities go through every single day. Sometimes it’s a great struggle just to get back to even, back to the starting point from the day before, and that’s worth just as much as the result. Talk soon.