Much Pain, No Gain - Living Life with Limits in a "No Limit" World

By Daniel Malito

4 min read

Most of our lives, from a very young age, we are told to "overcome your limitations," "don’t let your shortcomings hold you back," and "work hard and you can do anything." From teachers to grandparents to random influencers/models on Instagram – everyone seems to be pushing the "you can overcome" narrative pretty much 24/7.

So how do you reconcile that when living with chronic illness and disability when there are things you literally can’t do?

A results-based society

Unfortunately, the world we live in is a results-based society. What does that mean? Well, we tend to judge people’s success not on how much effort they put in but on what the end product looks like.

Athletes, business people, actors – it doesn’t matter how long they trained, went to school, or worked at the local video store acting like a movie snob – we only talk about "success" when there are positive results, tangible returns, and evident gains.

It’s just how our society works and it can be a very difficult thing for someone living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) or any other chronic illness.

We put pushing past limitations on a pedestal

With RA, your life pretty much revolves around limitations. Like it or not, there are just some things you won’t be able to do RA and, really, any chronic illness.

Long work sessions, intense physical labor, and going without sleep – all things that "healthy" people do without a second thought - are next to impossible when you live with chronic illness and disability and things that, unfortunately, usually go hand-in-hand with that whole "work hard/get rewarded" mythos that seems to be all-encompassing (at least here in America).

We put pushing past your limitations on a pedestal and fill that particular pantheon with "heroes of overcoming" to look up to.

Boundaries set by my RA and its comorbidities

Enter me, stage left, to this allegorical temple built to "no limits" as I stare at my ankle brace and have my fourth cup of coffee to stave off the ever-encroaching fatigue that puts a dead-stop on my daily activities at a time of its determining, which is never shared with me until it hits.

Pushing past limitations can be downright dangerous

Looking up at the giant statue of performance that adorns the entrance, I can only feel 1 thing – lacking. Why? Because I have limitations, my life is built around limitations, in fact, and I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out how to get things done within the boundaries set by my illness.

I am fenced in by the hard stops that rheumatoid arthritis and its comorbidities have foisted upon me, and pushing past them is not only unwise but can be downright dangerous at times. Does all that mean I am unworthy? Maybe. Will I still be asked to do that Gatorade commercial? Probably not.

How much is too much?

It’s ironic – we are told that keeping a positive outlook and an upbeat outlook can and does help, especially when it comes to rheumatoid arthritis and other chronic illnesses. Sometimes our physicians harp on it, in fact, and there are even multiple studies out there that have proved a link between feeling good mentally and feeling good physically.

On the other hand, our physicians and peers tell us we need to accept our limitations and respect the boundaries our bodies put in place by not doing "too much" or taking too many unnecessary risks. Welp, that’s a mixed message if I’ve ever heard one.

We are tough, resourceful, and diligent

As you can imagine, this cognitive dissonance doesn’t affect our mental state in a very positive way. Begin told to "live life with no limits", "YOLO" and, my personal favorite, "push through the pain" every time you turn on a screen takes its toll. The tragic part is that if the metric of "effort" was added to the calculus, people who live with chronic illness and disability would win every single time!

We exert a lot of effort

Sometimes, we exert more effort getting dressed in the morning than most people do throughout the entire day! Everything we do is a chore, and there is no such thing as a pain-free day – we always have to rise above or else we’d never get out of bed. Those of us who live with rheumatoid arthritis and other incurable illnesses are some of the toughest, most resourceful, and most diligent people on the planet.

We are just lacking in that 1 category – results - which, according to just about everyone, is the only metric that matters. It’s a shame and a slap in the face to those of us who get up every day and press on against insurmountable odds.

"No pain, no gain." It’s the age-old axiom that more or less sums up the attitude we hold toward success. I think it should be changed, though, to “Much pain, no gain.” That’s a much more accurate representation of what people with RA and other chronic illnesses and disabilities go through every single day. Sometimes it’s a great struggle just to get back to even, back to the starting point from the day before, and that’s worth just as much as the result. Talk soon.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Richard Faust Community Admin
Hey Daniel. This article was reposted on the Facebook page which gave me an opportunity to get a second look. I think you are absolutely right that effort gets short shrift. I think of when Kelly exercises in the pool. Others may be doing laps, but I often point out to her that she is the hardest working person there because the effort necessary for her to exercise for a given period of time is so much more than others put out in the same given period. Even if the result is simply maintaining ability, there is nothing simple about it and that result matters. Best, Richard (RheumatoidArthritis.net Team)
1. mlynn Member
 <inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="3227544"/> , I am newish to this site and appreciate the time you take to link older articles in your community replies, which is how I found this article. Daniel, this is a great read and so very true. If I compare myself to what RA free others my age are doing, my sense of self can get sucked down the drain. Why can't I have that life? Then I remember that comparing myself to others is a real joy killer. When I hear phrases like "failure is not an option" (I can fail multiple times a day just trying to run errands and put a meal on the table) or "no pain, no gain", I sometimes smile and remember that I have persevered through more than most. Thanks for reminding all of us how tough and accomplished we truly are.
2. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="mlynn" user-id="8572343"/>. Thank you for the great feedback and so glad Daniel's article is so helpful. I've personally never understood the phase "Failure is Not an Option." Of course it is and every human experiences it and, hopefully, learns from it. (As a side note, I used to work at NASA HQ and I can tell you that former flight director Gene Kranz never actually said the phrase "Failure is Not an Option&quot😉. I think of Walt Disney commenting that "I think it's important to have a good hard failure when you're young. I learned a lot out of that. Because it makes you kind of aware of what can happen to you." I think you are really on to something when you reference perseverance. I think people with chronic conditions, like RA, have a better grasp of it. I often note that this is one of the things that the children of those with RA learn, along with things such as compassion and empathy. Yes, you are tougher and more accomplished than it may often feel! Best, Richard (Team Member)