The Mask We Wear with RA

By Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT

2 min read

I was looking through some old photos the other day of me from childhood. I was posed very proudly in an all-plastic, full-body Halloween costume. The costume came with a matching plastic mask. I have seen these photos a hundred times. However, this time I just could not stop staring at the mask.

My "happy face" doesn't mean I'm happy

It just got me thinking about the mask I wear daily living with RA- the “happy face” mask disguised as my smile.

Fear of showing my true feelings

I put it on to protect myself from others. To protect me from the endless verbal comments, advice, and judgments encountered daily. The smile I put on my face is to prevent myself from crying when another customer is verbally assaulting me for using my legally valid handicap permit at a grocery store. That same smile I put on my face when someone who doesn’t live with the disease or has not walked a day in my shoes gives me advice.

I could no longer pretend everything was fine

Honestly, by nature, I tend to be an extremely positive person. However, living with RA for over 18 years has affected how much I find myself putting on my “happy face” mask. That is, until September 2022.

I got sick with COVID and had difficulty breathing. I could not take my RA injection due to the virus, so it affected my ability to take care of myself. I live alone, and it made my recovery extremely difficult. I could barely function, let alone prepare meals.

Retiring my mask

I have not put my “happy face” mask back on since recovering from COVID. For the first time in a long time, my smile is genuine and not just my go-to face for every situation.

I cannot tell you how freeing it is. The mask I originally put on to help preserve energy was draining so much life out of me. Not everyone in my life is elated with seeing my “happy face” mask retire.

Time to put myself first

I’ve started living my life with a renewed sense of purpose to recognize, honor, and support my needs. I am going to feel my feelings, voice my opinions and continue to share my life experiences on a level I haven't done before, even if that makes others in my life uncomfortable.

Life isn’t always about being comfortable. No one voluntarily signs up to live their life with a chronic and debilitating illness like RA. However, here I am, signed up and experiencing a very altered and uncomfortable life at times. I know, unfortunately, I am not alone in this.

Do you wear a mask?

I wrote this article because it wasn’t until very recently that I realized the extent to which I wore my “happy mask.” I am just wondering if any of you feel like you wear a mask daily, too, and if so, what does your mask look like?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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JulieT Member
Thank you, Lynn Marie. I have only had my diagnosis for 3 years but yes I wear a mask for my day in and day out life. People don't want to hear me rattle on about my daily symptoms and I don't blame them. Folks eyes glaze over when they start to hear your ugly rosary, round and round with how you "really" feel today. I keep my immediate family and best friend apprised of any changes or new medicines. To the rest of the world? "Oh, I am doing fine"
1. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="JulieT" user-id="5837703"/> thank you for choosing to allow us as a community to walk alongside you, on your life journey with RA. I really do appreciate you reaching out and sharing about the mask you find yourself wearing daily. I am happy to hear that your family and best friend are good supports in your life. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 Absolutely. Mine looks tough. I disguise it by saying I do not want to lose my man card, so i wont sit down (it is always good for a laugh). I do think that what i do to get along is so destructive, or can be. What a wonderful article.
theboyzmom Member
Thank you for reminding me that I do not have to wear a mask. I have recently been diagnosed with Lyme on top of the RA - no one seems to get it. Perhaps if more of us did not wear masks we could all feel more supported and less alone??? 
1. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="theboyzmom" user-id="3149404"/> I am sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis of Lyme disease on top of the RA. Thank you for sharing and I feel blessed to be able to write about the mask I had been wearing for so long. I really had no idea how routine it became for me to put on my "happy mask". One of the things I love most about our community is the opportunity we have to learn from one another. Nice to know when we are surrounded by others who might just not get it, we can come here and support each other. Please continue to reach out anytime. Sending a gentle virtual hug your way. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
casmere Member
Thank you <inline-mention username="Lynn Marie Witt" user-id="3244142"/> for this atricke. Yes "the mask" which I am sure most if us wear one some of the time if not all the tine. Myself included. I have bern at tge point of not wearing my mask alot if tge time, but there is still time you wear it. Like when seeing certain people that are suppose to be friends but refuse to understand what we go through and if you tell tgem their eyes glass over as you stated. Thank you for your article, it is so very true. Blessings Casmere 
1. Lori Foster Community Admin
 We're glad to have you back, <inline-mention username="casmere" user-id="3145733"/>! I hope this is the end of your technical issues and that you are back for good. Gentle hugs. - Lori (Team Member) 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="casmere" user-id="3145733"/> so good to see your post. I am sorry to hear about the technical issues you have been experiencing. I am hopeful that seeing your post, that the issues you
CommunityMember5e8191 Member
Thank you so so much for writing and sharing this article I am telling you as I live and breathe had the exact same experience this year. I have been diagnosed since 1995, which does not mean that is when My RA started because it started many years prior. It was 1995 when they finally were able to diagnose what was wrong with me. As a matter of fact I even went through nursing school extremely sick and didn't know how sick I really was. I actually had people, friends, friends of our family and my husband's particularly good friend accused me of being lazy because I couldn't gwake up and answer the door one afternoon to let him in to fix the air conditioning. I had been exhausted from work, school, motherhood, wife, and of course RA! Not knowing at that time that fatigue and utter exhaustion was a huge symptom of RA. So yes from school and work, yes I was holding down a full time job and nursing school, suffering RA during years with few treatment options. Yes the doctors did put me on celebrex and then almost a year later took me off because they thought celebrex could be damaging to other organs. So this particular day that my friend of the family and my husband's dear friend came I couldn't wake up. And it was the middle of the day so apparently people don't lay down and take a nap in the middle of the day which is what he was telling me but NOT. But anyway I'm sorry I go on and on ooops not sorry. I go on and on and on with my frustration and irritation and I didn't have the courage to say anything then but I also didn't know what I know. So this year August of 2022 I had this amazing epiphany of self!!! and since then I have been doing everything I can to let people know just because I don't look sick doesn't mean I'm not. And I also wanted to share with you that my niece who is like my daughter just turned 40 this year has been supporting me in this journey and has given me sage advice. After many tearful conversations she actually suggested that I just say it out loud. So I have done that with my sons. One son and his wife in particular who I'm living with until I get an apartment that suits my physical needs requires a lot of reinforcements. I am not in a wheelchair. I am not on a Walker, however I have had 5 dutgery for ruptured tendons on both hands and they don't work well along with having some days I just can't get up and walk well. Can you believe I was even trying to work since January of this year as a nurse!!! yep that's the kind of craziness that happens when you don't acknowledge what is going on with you and your body. I'm going to enjoy every single day of my life from here on out exactly the way I want it and I am going to write the script for that. So thank you and God-bless you and I pray for all of us who have different various problems with this illness and I'm not just talking about symptoms. love hugs and kisses to all
1. Lori Foster Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMember5e8191" user-id="3248461"/>. I am thrilled you had that epiphany and that you have such wonderful support from your niece. It can be hard for people who don't suffer chronic pain to understand what you are going through, so it is important to verbalize it. Please feel free to share these articles with family and friends if ever you think they might helps. Sending the warmest of wishes yours way. - Lori (Team Member) 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember5e8191" user-id="3248461"/> Wow! thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in your post. I was diagnosed in my twenties right after graduating from grad school for Occupational Therapy. I too feel like I had, had RA long before the diagnosis though. Like you and honesty many in our community, I just kept going. Your'e post was refreshing and good for my heart. Keep living your life the way you need to. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
danny777 Member
That mask takes energy. Thank you for the post. Yes. I’m on a biz trip. Had a call w a colleague today. Pain was so bad, I just tailed off the conversation. Cut it short. I couldn’t think about the problem we were discussing- pain was winning my focus. No mask. Can’t do it. Good guy - didn’t deserve for me to “sure, fine” my way off the call. I sent him an email…letting him know things were going badly - will pick this up again. Yes! We discussed before…I expect people mean well, but I can’t stand getting advice from people. My good friend just told me, her (previous) friend had just told her she just “wasn’t praying hard enough…that she was believing she could get better.” Huh? Why would anyone say such stupid stuff? I’ve had friends bring me vitamins, send all sorts of pain creams…I have finally told several friends to stop it. Losing the mask, I think, reduces RA-related stress.
1. Lori Foster Community Admin
 That is such a great point, <inline-mention username="danny777" user-id="3157557"/>. It takes an awful lot of energy to wear that mask all the time. How awful of that person to tell your friend she wasn't praying enough. That openly puts the blame on her for her RA pain, which is wrong on so very many levels. I am glad you finally told people to stop offering you the "cures" they read about in some magazine or on social media. I am sure that if those things really worked, the makers would be billionaires by now. Wishing you the best. - Lori (Team Member) 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="danny777" user-id="3157557"/> I couldn't agree with you more. Losing the mask definitely has helped me to reduce RA-related stress. Appreciate you reaching out. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArtrhtisi.net Team Member"
Mary Sophia Hawks Moderator & Contributor
Brava Lynn Marie!! It is so easy to put on a mask, but it takes enormous energy to keep it there. While I have not had to use this comment yet, it is in my back pocket for the next time someone questions my use of the handicapped space or motorized cart. "Feel free to contact my physician who ordered this due my multiple diseases." I simply do not have the energy to explain my medical issues to someone who has no business asking about it. Great article! Blessings, Mary Sophia, moderator 
1. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Mary Sophia Hawks" user-id="3205404"/> I love the response you have in your back pocket, for people who have no business asking certain questions. Also, thank you for your kind words. I feel so very blessed to know you. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
deborahk Member
Thank you so much for this article, Lynn Marie! I've been wearing the mask since I was diagnosed at age 8 (I'm 44 now). The smiling, positive, easy-going mask, the mask that apologizes for needing accommodation, for not being able to keep up, for having to bow out of fun activities. The mask of someone who's as productive and functional and successful as her able-bodied peers. It's exhausting, and in recent years, I've begun letting the mask slip off more often. Having two knee replacements in the span of three years, with a global pandemic following closely on their heels, just drained me of the ability to "perform" to such a high standard. I've experienced how uncomfortable it makes a lot of people when I take the mask off. They don't want to hear how I'm actually doing; they want to hear that I'm doing great! But it's allowed me to see which family members and friends are truly there for me...and I'm fortunate that there are enough folks who love me even when I am not wearing the mask that I haven't minded letting the others go. Still, I do feel I have to be "on" around most other people most of the time, and it's exhausting. I've actually been having a dilemma about whether to go meet a few friends for dinner this evening. My spirit wants to go and be nourished by these amazing women, and they readily agreed to sit outdoors somewhere (even though it's cold!), since I'm not dining indoors at this point. But my body is so tired and run-down today; my joints haven't been doing that well recently, and sitting outside in the cold sounds like torture. On top of that, I just don't know if I have the energy to be my shining, smiling self today. Your article has inspired me to see how I'm feeling in a couple of hours and to politely bow out without feeling like a loser if I'm just not up to it. I agree with the other posters here that maybe if we all let the mask slip more often, people wouldn't expect us to wear it all the time. 
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="deborahk" user-id="3240747"/>. First, I want to say that it is great to hear that you have has so much success with the new knees. Second, I want to let you know that you are not alone here in being diagnosed very young. We have several contributors who were diagnosed as children many years ago. My wife, Kelly Mack, was diagnosed at two, over 40 years ago. Kat and Daniel were diagnosed at 2 and 9 respectively, a similar time period ago. Some searching on the site on juvenile RA and things associated with it will take you to many of their articles on growing up and living with JRA. Also, please don't hesitate to reach out and ask questions. Wishing you the best. Richard (RheumatoidArthritis.net Team)
2. deborahk Member
 <inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="3227544"/> thank you! I always appreciate Kelly, Kat, and Daniel's articles about having JRA. It's great to know that we're not alone in going through most of our lives with this disease. Wishing you the best, too.
jdaph Member
Mine wasnt so much a happy face mask,, it was a Im fine suck it up and grind it out face, a mask that was meant to express to others I can tough this out and get done what needs to be done,, wore this mask for decades, and just kept pushing and pushing myself past the point of exhuastion and pain, but now that Im in my 60s, I cant anymore, so I now set limits, I only have so much energy and physical strength for eaach day, I not only have R.A> but many other arthritic and degenerative diseases, and digestive issues, that exhaust me. I stopped pushing myself past the point of exhaustion, and have set limits, the only time I skip my daily nap, lay down time is when Im with my grandchildren, I save my strength for them. I finally realized that in wearing a mask and pushing myself constantly I was only hurting myself. 
1. Lori Foster Community Admin
 I am glad you came to that realization, <inline-mention username="jdaph" user-id="3181474"/>. I hope that in taking off the mask, your stress has been reduced and your symptoms have lessen. Sending the best of all wishes your way. - Lori (Team Member) 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="jdaph" user-id="3181474"/> absolutely you need to save energy/strength for your grandchildren. You are so right that wearing our masks and pushing ourselves, ends up hurting us in the long run. Even though I know I, you, and many in this community, never intend to do something that can be harmful. Thanks for reaching out. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
CommunityMember683 Member
Wow, I guess that is me too.....hiding behind a mask <a href='http://too.Why' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>too.Why</a> do we do that...guess we do not want people to know if we are in pain........you have to let out your feelings, no matter what they entail.......................it actually makes me feel good to do that.....
1. Erin Rush Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember683" user-id="4713423"/>, you're right and I'm glad you are able to let your feelings out when necessary. It *does* help, when you can let those feelings flow. Thanks for sharing! Best, Erin, <a href='http://RheumatoidArthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> Team Member. 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember683" user-id="4713423"/> so important to express ourselves. Honestly, that's why I am thankful for communities like ours. Nice to have a space to speak freely and walk along side others who just get it. Appreciate you reaching out and for taking your time to read my article. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
Daniel Malito Moderator & Contributor
I think living with chronic illness pretty much makes us learn how to live with masks - be it like most of the time, faking as healthy as we can, or even sometimes the opposite for reasons I won't go into here. Living with RA is living with masks, unfortunately! It does get exhausting, though, and sometimes we just want to let it all go... Keep on keepin' on, DPM
1. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="3227544"/> thanks for reaching out. Always appreciate your point of view. I love your question of "How tough do others make it to let the masks down?" Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member" 
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Daniel Malito" user-id="3160778"/> -Agreed, wearing the mask or various masks can be exhausting. Really appreciate your reaching out. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
WinaLynn Member
Masking the pain, powering through. I been doing that my whole life. I too was hit hard by Covid and it dramatically changed my life. I too am putting myself first, for the first time in my life. I am learning who I really am. Today, I choose the leave the mask by the door, and love me, just as I am.
1. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="WinaLynn" user-id="4473842"/> what a great sentiment. Good for you for putting yourself first, learning who you really are, and leaving your mask at the door. Thanks so much for sharing this with the community here. It is beautiful! -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
2. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="WinaLynn" user-id="4473842"/> I am sorry to hear that you were hit hard by Covid also. So happy to hear that you are learning to love who you are though. It is important. Lets both continue to keep our mask/masks home. So very much appreciate your reaching out. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"