Red Flags: How I Knew It Was Time to Find a New Rheumatologist

If I were asked to describe my relationship with healthcare providers, one word comes to mind: loyalty. It’s true that when I find a healthcare provider I click with, I am a devoted customer. Most of my relationships with my specialty providers are long-term, 5-10 years plus. That being said, I am not someone who is used to doctor-hopping and therefore, almost felt guilty when I started suspecting I needed to find a new rheumatologist. Asking myself, is this the right move? Am I asking the right questions in the right way? Or is there a communication disconnect on my end? Am I being too unrealistic in my expectations?

I wasn’t sure.

Something’s not right

At the end of the day, I felt like my rheumatologist was a good doctor, but maybe not the doctor for me. In her defense, she is the doctor who finally diagnosed me after a prior rheumatologist said he couldn’t treat my decade-long chronic pain issues. We have developed a small sense of rapport but still, something was missing.

How did I decide to make the leap and start pursuing another rheumatologist? Well, here are some red flags I noticed that might be helpful for others in a similar situation. Again, these instances were scattered and sometimes felt insignificant, but after taking a step back, it felt worthy of honoring my unease.

Healthcare provider red flags

Failed to take the time to educate

Like most patients, I want to know what’s going on in my health journey. How I am supposed to advocate, process information, and deal with setbacks without understanding the why of what’s happening? Of course, I could head to Dr. Google but is that really what’s best for me?

After a while, I noticed my provider didn’t attempt to educate me without me prompting her with one billion questions. I always left wanting more explanation, unsure of where to turn to learn more, and that’s just not my vibe. The lack of forthcoming education was a red flag for me to start looking elsewhere.

Doesn't offer different treatment options

The biggest qualm I had with this particular provider was her reluctance to use medications in certain situations with compelling research. I understand that not all healthcare providers treat the same way, using the same methods or medications, and I am totally cool with that aspect. However, I want to know why (again, here's that why question) you think Medication A is not an option for me, instead of just saying this is the only option and closing the door to the conversation.

Please, make me a key player in the medication decisions along side you. I am the one taking the medication, by the way. I have a say, too. And, together we can make a plan we both feel comfortable with.

Makes you feel unseen, silly, or annoying

Lastly, a provider should never make you feel unseen, silly, or annoying for caring about your health. In fact, they should validate, calm your worries, and welcome questions and concerns. Even if it's unintentional, I really believe this is a strong indicator of how well a patient-doctor relationship will work–at least for me.

Some of the best healthcare providers I have had the pleasure of knowing are the ones who have mastered the delicate art of empathy. They understand you are more than just a patient. You wear many hats and those other hats affect your health care. If you feel as if your provider is talking down to you or glossing over true concerns, it’s time to address the concerns or jump ship.

Of course, if you feel capable of discussing your concerns and bringing light to what’s missing, by all means, do that! Maybe by having those conversations, you can help a provider become a better doctor. A lot of the time, I don’t have confidence in my capability to do that and feel for my mental health should leave respectfully and try another doctor. Do what feels best for you!

Have you ever felt the need to find a new doctor? How do you handle these situations? Share your experience and advice below!