Changes

I just found out that my beloved rheumatologist is retiring at the end of 2021. While I knew it was coming, I was not prepared.

This is the doctor who watched me carefully and finally diagnosed my seronegative rheumatoid arthritis a year before the VECTRA test came out. He held my hand as I sobbed during my worst flare ever and assured me that it would get better.

For ten years, this doctor has traveled with me through flares, surgeries, and successes with compassion, humor, and exceptional care.

Constant change with RA

As people who deal with rheumatoid disease and other autoimmune diseases, we deal with change every day. Which joints will be happy today and which ones won’t? Am I going to have swelling today? Will I feel like a train ran over me, or will it be a scooter this time?

Guilt and self-blame

This inconsistency and change are one of the hardest aspects of rheumatoid arthritis. I often feel like I should be “used to it” by this time. After all, I deal with it every day, sometimes minute by minute. Why can’t I adapt quicker? Why does this happen? What is wrong with me?

Accepting what is

It is okay to feel this way. Read that again.

Due to the massive changes we encounter daily, it is okay to feel like we don’t “have it all together”. I am not used to changes. Every time, change sneaks up on me and surprises me.

Even so, I am learning to say, "Okay, we will have to do this differently today." Learning how to accept and lean into the changes of rheumatoid arthritis has freed me from beating myself up. Re-framing my reality into gratefulness for my good days and acceptance of my tough days has changed my outlook.

This major change has affected my outlook

Changing rheumatologists is different. My outlook is suffering from this change. This is my one and only rheumatologist.

I found out about him from a registered nurse friend. He has been my co-worker in the vineyard of my disease. When I had a strange complication to something, he grumbled, “Of course you did!” I reminded him that I was the complex kind of patient that he lived for!! His response? “I could do with less complexity.” We have laughed together.

What I look for in a new rheumatologist

Fortunately, my rheumatologist has personally hired a replacement. I questioned the medical assistant about the new doctor. I wanted to make sure of several things:

1. Medical training, years of service.
2. Personality, sense of humor.
3. Continuing education.
4. Works with the patient, not at the patient.
5. A smooth-running office with kind people.

I trust this medical assistant, and she had good news! She is very impressed with the new rheumatologist and gave me all the specifics.

My rheumatologist made sure his patients would be well-served

As I look back on the last year with my rheumatologist, I recognize his fatigue and weariness. I am happy for him.

While the outcome is not what I wanted, he took the time to make sure his patients would be well-served in the future. For this, I am grateful.