A Profound Thought: Finding Our 'Why'

Why me?

That is the biggest question I thought of when I was first diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. It is a common and, sadly, usually unresolved question. I know 50 years after my first diagnosis, I still think about those days and wonder what would have happened if I had not found my answer.

Maybe you have thought of that question a lot, or maybe you have never thought of it at all. Either way, perhaps you would like to hear my answer and know how I got here.

Feeling depressed, stuck, and unfulfilled

After I was diagnosed with RA, I fell into a prolonged depression. I was stuck. I was battling a new diagnosis, I hurt, and I was lost. Within a few years, my career would end; I earned a new degree and started blogging.

But I was still stuck. Stuck in a place that could not be defined. I was proud to work on and still work on many projects related to autoimmune diseases in general and RA in particular, but I was unfulfilled.

Answering 'Why me?' with another question

I was stuck thinking about 1 question: Why me? After much soul-searching, I found my answer.

My answer is also a question: Why not me? It is a riddle packed in a conundrum with no good answer. But why not me?

Let’s suppose that only vulnerable populations had RA. Would we still have groundbreaking research into the cause? I doubt it. Suppose only the under-served had rheumatoid arthritis (RA); would we have the medications that work wonders and let us function in the world? I doubt it.

Helping others find their answer

That question — "Why not me?" — was the answer God gave me over 30 years ago, and it is the answer I still cling to. Is that the correct answer for anyone else? Maybe for a few of you readers, but not all. But the truth is, only we can find our answer. And trust me when I tell you that when you see it, you might change everything.

For the last 1.5 years, I have been involved in defining how I can help others resolve this issue for themselves. This effort has caused me to shut down from most social media sites, including writing articles for RheumatoidArthritis.net. I just have not had time to do both.

So, what is so important? I returned to school to become a lay minister with the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Carmel, IN, my home church. In June 2024, I was granted a commission as a congregational care minister. My commission is inward-focused (my relationship with the church) and outward-focused, as is my ministry for people with chronic disease.

The philosophy I carry into my ministry

I define my ministry as a ministry for people with chronic problems, mainly disease. You see, I think most people with chronic disease wrestle with the fundamental question: "Why me?" My commission is to help people where I can find their answers. I like to tell people I am not about conversion.

Notably, Jesus did not say to love only Christians; he said to love your neighbor. I take that to mean that if you are Wiccan and seeking answers, I want to minister with you on your path. Our church mission statement is essentially, "Come as you are." That means come as a Christian, Buddhist, Sikh, agnostic, or atheist. Come on in; you are welcome. If you are straight, gay, bisexual, other, undefined, and whatever you claim as your gender, please come on in. I will not try to convert you. But I am willing to minister to you.

That is the philosophy I carry into my ministry. Come as you are. Inform us, help us understand better, and you will want to know what I am about. Or maybe not. That is up to you.

People first, problem second

At present, I remain in school and am a practicing commissioned minister. I have about 6 months left in my program until I graduate, and because of scheduling, I am out of school for the first 3 months of 2025.

My "why" makes it essential for me to stay engaged with the community. So, I still serve on the FDA advisory panel for arthritis medications and attend summits of people with autoimmune diseases. But now I have a different focus. Now, I am all about the people first and the problem second.

I also lead/moderate online Bible studies and book study groups. I occasionally preach, and as I said, I will return to school for about 6 months starting in March 2025.

Supporting others on their 'why' journey

If you are asking yourself profound questions that you cannot answer yourself, or maybe you want to check in spiritually, please drop me a note in the comment section below. But most importantly, if you want to talk about spiritual issues that sound like chronic illness, I am listening carefully. I will not offer you an answer; only you can find that, but I will support you on your journey.

My best survival technique

Remember, it is not about who you are. It is about the future journey and what God has laid out for your path. Oh, and yes, that might be a path with a non-Christian understanding.

If so, I will support you as best I can. But know this: we have these terrible conditions for a reason. The best survival technique I have found in these 50-plus years is not to focus on "Why me?" Instead, I propose we focus on the issue of "Why?" Once you know that, at least you stop spinning and start moving.

May God bless each of you who read my words; you, after all, may be part of my why.