5 Tips for Managing Bad Days as a Parent

By Leanne Donaldson

3 min read

There is a little bit of difficulty when tackling a topic such as managing bad days when you are a parent. Because in all reality, at the end of the day, it is one of those things that when you are a parent, you just do.

So, at the risk of sounding a bit trite, I’m still going to do my best to offer some insight and suggestions, especially for those parents with RA who are early into their diagnosis and just trying to hold their life together.

5 tips for managing bad days as a parent with RA

I was diagnosed when my children were still quite young (3 children under 5 at the time). With my oldest being 12 now, I officially have a few years of parenting with RA under my belt for a wide range of ages. Not to mention, we homeschool, so while some days I wish I could just chuck them at the big, yellow bus heading down the street and head back to bed, I don’t. Here are a few alternatives.

1. Stash away some 'bored boxes'

Never underestimate the value of new things or things that have been hidden away for a while for kids. I keep 2 bins hidden away in my basement that I save to rotate out on days when I’m especially struggling. I squirrel away little items throughout the year that they won’t miss at the time. These don’t have to be big or especially exciting, but the simple novelty of something different can buy you hours of entertained bliss.

Some of my favorite things are mostly quiet activities like new board games, puzzles, Lego sets, and coloring supplies. These are not only great alternatives to throwing electronics at them all day, but they often don’t require an abundance of energy or mental fortitude. Sometimes I even throw in some great chapter books that I can read aloud if I know I might be down for a few days.

2. Make a movie day something special

Sure, it is pretty easy to scroll on through Netflix and just let it roll. And really, there is nothing wrong with that. But let’s be honest, it only buys you 2 hours at most.

But, if you add a few easy, extra ideas, you could buy yourself quite a bit more. Have the kids design tickets or movie posters, make predictions about what they think might happen, or plan (easy) snacks and treats. The last ones do require some forethought, but like the 'bored boxes,' I hide prepackaged snacks (knowing without a doubt that bad days will come — it is just a matter of when) and let the kids set up a little concession stand and sell treats using Monopoly money.

3. Have a backup plan in place

There are sometimes just days when no matter how many tricks you have up your sleeve, you just KNOW it is going to be ugly and you have to hit the panic button. It is my hope that you are blessed to have someone in your life who, when the poop really hits the fan, you can call and beg for help. Even a few blissful hours of quiet can make a huge difference in your ability to fight your way till bedtime. If you have someone that you’ve been able to talk with about this scenario ahead of time, it will help.

4. Communicate with your children

One of the rare positives that have come out of raising children with RA is that I’ve noticed that my children have developed a deep sense of empathy for others. Once they were old enough to understand that sometimes Mom doesn't feel good, they’ve been more willing to be helpful on those days. Simple conversations, especially as they get older, can go a long way in helping them understand without burdening them with unnecessary worry in an age-appropriate way.

5. Don’t beat yourself up

Sometimes the best thing you can do on bad days as a parent with RA is consciously set that guilt aside. Life, and especially life with rheumatoid arthritis, isn’t perfect, and that is okay.

So your kids go over their allotted screen time on a bad day. The world isn’t going to end. Protect your mental health and remind yourself that tomorrow is another day, and just soldier on.

What tips do you have for parenting with RA?

I’m sure there are lots of tips out there that I haven’t thought of, so let me know in the comments below. What are your tips for managing bad days as a parent with RA?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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starscream Member
For most of my motherhood, my kids just knew me as an overweight unathletic mother who worked long hours. It wasn’t a big deal. The stress of my job was a concern to them but they knew I had to earn an income alongside their father and my husband did an equal share of the parenting. Most of their friends also had two parents working long hours and also went to daycare and afterschool. They got to do physical activities at daycare and afterschool and spent time with us reading books, watching tv, and gaming. All three kids were and are quite nerdy and even as adults now they hang out with us this way both online and in person. I was once put on high doses of prednisone for six months because I was flaring so badly. This is the one time my RA severely affected my kids. Suddenly I could be athletic but I was also very angry all the time. The prednisone damaged my relationship with my husband because I just could not stand any sort of slightly condescending behavior and would yell at him about it. I even hit my teen daughter when she was being a defiant teen. She was stronger and taller than me, and grabbed my wrists. I am so lucky this did not destroy our family. She identified the prednisone as the cause. At that point I tried extra hard to scale down the dosage of prednisone but it still took three more months because the dosage had been so high. So I learned to take time outs and cold showers when becoming angry. Ultimately my family is strong and my adult kids visit almost weekly so our relationship is quite good. My marriage recovered, not as perfect as it once was, but many older couples are not particularly better than us. We do have very good days. I do notice the bad ones correspond to my flares and just tell him I’m flaring and cannot deal. My kids know my bad days are bad days and just watch tv with me, and on good days we go out and try to be a little active. 
1. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="starscream" user-id="3239616"/>, and thank you for sharing your experience with parenting and prednisone with us. My heart hurts to hear that you had such a difficult time with anger while on it, impacting your relationships with your family. What a challenging and scary time that must have been for all of you! Good for you for finding ways to help manage some of that with time outs and cold showers, and I am so glad to hear that your family is still strong and relationships good. We appreciate you sharing and being a part of the conversation. Wishing you a gentle day. -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
Alipin1 Member
I have 3 kids too, 15, 12, and 2. Meals are what ails me. We do dinner together as often as possible, which is at least 5 times a week. And there are usually friends around too, so dinner is usually between 8 - 10 people. When I'm having one of those days, I reach for one of my partially made meals. My freezer is full of prepared chicken, pork, beef, tomato sauce and cheese sauce. I have a great cookbook, Better Homes and Gadens Make Ahead Meals. There are 25 delicious combinations that use the frozen ingredients. With this method I get a delicious meal on the table in under 30 minutes. The trick is to find a good RA day to prep the frozen goods. It's actually a family affair, where everybody chips in, the oven stove and crock are running at full capacity for half a day. My husband uses a roller pin when we bag up the goods, so they fit nicely in the freezer. I don't always use these frozen products so they last for a long time. It's been working out great and alleviating dinner stress when I'm having a bad day.
1. latoya.juniel Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Alipin1" user-id="8411713"/> I love all of this! Making dinner always stops me right in my tracks My kiddos are 15 and 11 and I try to make things I know they will eat but they are so picky! I know meal prepping would help me greatly by taking some time and stress away from this process. What I loved most about your experience is that you make it a family affair. It truly takes extra bits of help to get things done, especially when living with RA. Your post was just the motivation I needed to get organized and better at this! Thanks for sharing! -Latoya (Team Member)