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When the Issues of My Day Become My Issues With RA

Kathryn Elton, OTR's avatar image

By Kathryn Elton, OTR

2 min read

In hindsight, it was blissful. I have had a few months of really low joint swelling, and every day when I was walking my dog I couldn’t help grinning wide with happiness as I felt lighter in my body.

Meeting a new friend for dog walks

During that time, I met a new dog buddy friend, and we started walking in the woods whenever we could.

Then, last week, we were walking, and as we were on the final part of the hike she stopped and said in surprise, “You’re limping!”

I looked down and thought, “What?”

I was a bit confused, honestly, because the pain in my ankle was barely registering at that point, and after a lifetime of JRA I just assumed I always had a slight limp. When we had first met, I had warned her; I said that the JRA was doing really well, and if we had met 6 months ago I would have looked like a different person. She is a healthy woman, and I know that sometimes a little warning helps smooth the edges of new friendship when things take a turn for the worse.

My good hip started to flare

So, in response to both of our surprise, I just said, “Well, this happens, and really I can handle it. For most of my life I’ve walked with a lot more pain and limping than this. It’s fine, really.”

We continued down the path, and I went home with a tired body and happy dog. I took a bath that night and put it out of my mind.

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The next day, I started a new to-do list, and for the next couple of days I felt productive as I crossed things off.

Then, my good hip started making sleep hard. I have one side that I can sleep on and without that, I’m in trouble. Today I woke up in a full-on flare.

Reworking my life around pain

So, after months of more ease, I’m back to reworking my life around figuring out how to manage life with all the pain and exhaustion that comes with a big flare-up.

Out goes the gardening I had thought I would do. Forget cleaning the bathroom right now. And the boyfriend who just got out of heart surgery last week is now calling other people to handle most of what I told him I could do to help.

I’m wondering how my new friend is going to react if this flare settles in. I’m trying not to feel sorry for myself and trying not to worry that my medicine isn’t working because I just had an infusion a few days ago. Most of the important things on my list don’t seem so important anymore.

This too shall pass

Sometimes, rheumatoid arthritis quickly becomes everything. That is one of the most heinous aspects of this monstrous disease — the all-encompassing hold it takes over your life when it comes on like a tsunami.

There isn’t any self-help book or quippy catchphrase that takes away the awfulness of this. But as I look out the window and enjoy the flowers I planted as seeds that will soon go back to seed, I can remember one thing that is true — this too shall pass.

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