"Yes, But...": Communicating Tactfully With Doctors
“Yes, but...”
These 2 small words seem inconsequential, but for anyone living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and chronic illness, they are part of one of the most important phrases you can learn. Why? Because when you have lived with a chronic illness for many years, you get to a point where you more than likely know more about your body than the doctors you see, and you have to find a way to take control of your own care without completely pissing them off. That boils down to 2 little words: “Yes, but...”
Doctors are human beings
“Doctors know better than us because of their years of experience and research.” This is the common opinion that most people have of those who don the white coat. Most laymen out there think that when a doctor says “It’s this,” well, then, it’s definitely that. They are experts, after all.
Well, those of us who have been dealing extensively with the medical community, whether it’s in an intensive short burst or during a long-term tenure of RA or another chronic illness, know that this “doctors know all” idea is about as far from the truth as it can get. We know that doctors are human beings just like us, and they make mistakes just like we do. What that means in practicality is that there comes a time when we know more about out illness than our doctors do. Dun, dun, dun!
Finding a way to tactfully disagree
It's an interesting position to be in, knowing more about yourself and your illness than the expert you are paying many times a king’s ransom’s worth. It gets to the point where you know what the problem is even before you make the appointment. At a certain point in your illness journey, it can begin to feel like the only thing you need the doctor for is to write the actual prescription for the meds you knew you needed before you even showed up for the exam.
The thing is, many doctors don’t seem to respond well when you know more than — or, at the very least, the same amount as — they do. Without that knowledge to lord over you, many physicians can get, let’s call it, snarky, so we have to find a way to tactfully disagree. Enter that phrase mentioned above: “Yes, but...”
The advantage of saying, 'Yes, but...'
It's the best way I’ve found to avoid most of the potential backlash when trying to speak up for what you know is best for you at a doctor's appointment.
Look at it like this: When a doctor says, “I don’t think you have a chest cold,” but you know you do and definitely need a Z-pack to nip it in the bud, instead of saying “No, you’re wrong,” saying, “Yes, but I think it’s best to nip anything in the bud, just in case,” has a much better chance of getting you what you want — nay, what you need.
Advocating for yourself and your RA needs
It is a delicate dance to learn how to say "No" to a doctor by saying “Yes,” but it’s worth learning, because a miffed doctor isn’t a helpful doctor. Anyone who has rheumatoid arthritis or any other chronic illness can use this maneuver — or whatever version of it they end up using — because still, as of this writing, we can’t write prescriptions for ourselves.
Really, though, once you hit your first decade of having RA, we should all get an honorary doctorate and a prescription pad. But since that will likely never happen, it can be helpful to learn this feat of linguistic engineering to utilize when it’s time to advocate for yourself. Talk soon.
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