Cry baby moment

By pmtz

1 min read

Today I had a "Crybaby" moment, I got in my car, and noted the steering wheel cover was off! As my son borrowed the car, no fault of his, however I tried in vain to put it back on, I sat there maybe 10 minutes trying, and trying and at that moment it's when I KNEW I have to ask for help, wait? what! .... then I thought...... back 10 years ago I never needed help, I did everything by myself, I was the person people could go to for help, not the other way around. I worked on my own car, I changed tires, I picked up stuff heavier than me, I was the STRONG one, and..... I can't even get a %$#@! steering wheel cover on (sorry for using bad language) Living with RA has it good days and bad days, today was my bad day, not being able to hold a steering wheel without pain, of course my family knows and at times doesn't know my limits. I look great, I don't look sick, my hands are not scarred or burned, or twisted, but it feels like my hands were hit by a hammer like in the cartoons, LOL. I couldn't do a simple task.... I drove with it off, thought about the simple things in life and had my cry baby moment. This is the most I've ever shared in public, but it feels good letting go ..... at times.

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Tamara Haag Moderator & Contributor
Hi Pmtz, Thank you so much for sharing, as I know that so many of us can relate! Yes, RA certainly does humble us, and it is very tempting to think of the "what might have beens" had we not had RA. That being said, while our bodies are not always as strong and capable as we would like them to be, I believe our spirits grow stronger from the challenge. Case in point: it took some bravery for you to publicly share a story of vulnerability, but you did it, and I know there will be others who read your story and think, "Oh, it's not just me!" I know that when our bodies don't feel good that we don't always feel our most confident. However, it is often in those moments when we actually are utilizing our perservence and determination. Even though you cursed and may have cried, you still drove yourself home in spite of the pain. You didn't give up. And then you reached out to our community. This shows a lot of strength! I wrote an article about what courage can look like, and perhaps it might be of interest to you: <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/is-this-courage' target='_blank'>https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/is-this-courage/</a>. Thanks again for sharing with us, as I would guess that each of us with this disease has had similar moments. I've been diagnosed for 17 years, and I wouldn't be able to count how many times this disease has brought me to tears of frustration. Like you, I feel it deeply, but then sooner or later I keep pushing forward. It helps to know I'm not alone, so thank you so much for your story. Gentle hugs (and steering wheel covers!), Tamara
1. rifenbc Member
 I could feel the frustration you expressed ptmz. I've had RA for 14 yrs now and I still have the occasional melt down when something that used to be easy becomes particularly difficult or frustrating to me. I wonder if this site has ever asked people who have RA whether they were "Type A" personality people prior to their diagnosis. Is it just me, or do others see a pattern of many people say they were so active before this disease took hold. I too, was a single parent, working 2-3 jobs at times to raise my son. Went to school, worked, active in sports and raised an active boy. I was rarely sick in my 20-30s and almost into my 40s except for menopause. But once RA was diagnosed, I have become the one person I hated to be... someone dependent on others. I have always been the person who helped - not the person who needed help and as you say, it is very hard to learn to let others help you. I sure would like a questionnaire that asked whether there is something in the Type A or Overachiever medical makeup that could trigger the genetic marker for RA to become active. Not that there would be anything we could do about it since I think that personality type is not something we plan or think of...but more a way of life for some of use. I'm sure I'm not describing everyone with RA, but maybe there is a 'trigger' or stress level, hormone, etc that could be found in a study. Don't ever be embarrassed to speak how you "really" feel around here. 😉 You will find that there are at least a few who have felt the same somewhere along their journey with RA. Hopefully you have relaxed, accepted this issue (or found a 'round about) and are feeling more relieved after reading every else's similar stories. Keep pushing forward. Connie
Ed Burgoyne Moderator
Hi Pmtz, Welcome, and I also thank you for opening up to the world. I feel that it is okay to sometimes have, lets just say, a moment of expression, over a life changing event as big as RA. I myself had a similar moment where a day at the office was cut short by my computers mouse and keyboard. Also, remember that it is okay to ask for help, it will not make you any less of the person who you are.
lindanewland Member
I don't know if the other two times I tried to post a reply posted. If they did, I apologize for being repetitive - and technically inept. Your story describes me as well. I have always been very independent and did everything for myself and by myself. And I NEVER cried. Since being diagnosed with RA and most particularly during the last year, I can't count the number of times I've been brought to tears, mostly from frustration. I have had to come to terms with asking for help - very difficult for me. But like most of us, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and have learned to say "it's okay" to myself when I can't do something or when I have to ask for help. Best wishes to you and thanks for telling your story - it's one that many of us can relate to.
tammyrstevens17 Member
Thank outfox sharing. I have cry baby moments my self. Its so hard living with RA the problem is that most people with RA look like they don't have anything wrong but they are going crazy from pain that will not go away. Im happy there are support groups like this where we can go and share our stories and get advice from other piers in the group. Thanks again for sharing. Hope things get better. And remember just because u can't do what u use to doesn't mean ur lesser now.
1. tammyrstevens17 Member
 For sharing
tammyrstevens17 Member
Thank u for sharing. I have cry baby moments my self. Its so hard living with RA the problem is that most people with RA look like they don't have anything wrong but they are going crazy from pain that will not go away. Im happy there are support groups like this where we can go and share our stories and get advice from other piers in the group. Thanks again for sharing. Hope things get better. And remember just because u can't do what u use to doesn't mean ur lesser now.
judy_c Member
Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty good(!) and also happened to read the article posted here about "The Good Days," which was so encouraging. Then....in the afternoon I went out to do errands, picked up a birthday card for a friend and was sitting in my car writing on it. My thumb started cramping up, it felt like I could hardly hold the pen, then the rest of my hand started aching and my writing looked like a disaster. It was a "back to reality" moment for me. It was just a little thing in the scheme of life really, but it was a crybaby moment. I'm 50 and have have only been diagnosed for 3 years and am one of those who look totally normal on the outside. But my hand, wrists, and elbows feel miserable on the inside. I am new to this forum but am encouraged by what I have seen posted here and the articles. Thanks for listening as it's a tricky thing to talk about with people who don't really get it.
2v12e4 Member
This disease is such a consuming disease. I have had it since 1990. It came on very hard and I spent a week or more bedridden. Slowly with Prednisone and other med was able to get back to somewhat normal. I am so tired of coping! So tired of hurting and so tired of never being able to plan an outing. I cry inside. To know it will never go away is devastating! When I can sleep it feel so good...But, then I wake up to pain again. I am so sorry for my family because they never get to rest from taking care of me in one way or the other. May God bless us all!
Cynthia Ventura Moderator
Thx...I too had my cry baby moment. Mine's just lasted for about a month now. I'm so tired of hurting, of explaining, of treatment regimes and medication, of advocating for myself, of not sleeping, of hurting still, of feeling sorry for myself, of crying. I often (more and more) wish I could just put down the sword and shield, just for a day and relax and not hurt. To plan, to sleep, to laugh and enjoy again everything I once did. Nothing grand, just the simple things. To not have to think about everything, all the time. Oh who am I kidding? Once put down I'd escape from it so fast and so far...Sorry, just struggling right now. Its not easy for me either to admit my dependence and my frustration. We need a cure because the stopgaps just aren't doing it for me anymore.