Cursed

By amypollock82

1 min read

I no longer want to hit my quiet button...

I recently had a pump put in and they don’t pass those out like candy.

I was born with issues after issues but I didn’t seek actual treatment until 22yrs old (insurance). I have over 30 diagnosis in just the last 5 years and more to come at an overwhelming rate.

I ask myself am I cursed?

Was this always going to be my fate? I was told recently that I’m paying for my fathers injustice. That I changed their lives for the worst because of the blood that runs through my veins. Even tho I endured the same life.

I feel it's my fault.

I started to obsess over the words of a sister from the other day and it really started to make me believe that every single pain I feel is my fault, if I wouldn’t have been born their lives wouldn’t have been so hard. It was all my fault that I must pay even if it’s someone else’s debt.

There’s moments where I’ve thought at least it’s answer why.. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve asked why me and jeez why so much... everything goes wrong, my body must hate me.

They created the word impossible because of me.

I’m donating my body fully to science so maybe they can figure out what they haven’t yet. Maybe not in my lifetime but hopefully for my grandchildren. Say what you will but genetics matter.

I believe science matters and I will be out to prove science will help me!

(Maybe why I’m so....mad)

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hwb0w4 Member
Of course, autoimmune diseases that we get( this includes you), is not our fault. Some of us unfortunately, are genetically predisposed to these diseases when we are conceived. Each disease has some complications which in turn we may get also. After a person gets one disease, chances are, that person will get other diseases and complications or associated conditions. I have many myself. I have told some people that my "body hates me", even though I know that is not so. Some people like to blame others for their bad luck or life. Instead of blaming themselves. As far as your father, his blood runs in ALL of his kid's veins, not just yours.
amypollock82 Member
I agree! I try to think of how others can be worse, but sometimes I feel selfish. At least it’s never boring just very lonely.
1. Daniel Malito Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention user-id="3209561" username="amypollock82"/> The whole "you could be worse off" argument never worked for me, either. It takes a special kind of person to put up with all of our stuff without running away. I haven't found one yet - and I've tried, trust me. Nothing wrong with being selfish, or as I call it, "surviving." It's what we do every day, and by the way I thought I held the record for the most number of conditions one person can have at once. If you break my record I'll have to dig up something else to have. Ha ha. Keep on keepin' on, DPM
2. amypollock82 Member
 I just go to another doctor and they seem to come up with something for me. That has absolutely nothing to do with the reason I made an appointment to begin with. Stop finding things! Lol no I’m ok with it. The more doctors know then maybe my grandchildren and great grandchildren won’t have to endure this. I have 3 specialists to see this month and I will no doubt get more DXs I’ve always said if I don’t want more DXs I need to just stop going to doctors. Now, I know I have at least 30+ because I don’t have some written down. If I don’t write it down or use portals it doesn’t exist with my memory. Lol