Cursed

I no longer want to hit my quiet button...

I recently had a pump put in and they don’t pass those out like candy.

I was born with issues after issues but I didn’t seek actual treatment until 22yrs old (insurance). I have over 30 diagnosis in just the last 5 years and more to come at an overwhelming rate.

I ask myself am I cursed?

Was this always going to be my fate? I was told recently that I’m paying for my fathers injustice. That I changed their lives for the worst because of the blood that runs through my veins. Even tho I endured the same life.

I feel it's my fault.

I started to obsess over the words of a sister from the other day and it really started to make me believe that every single pain I feel is my fault, if I wouldn’t have been born their lives wouldn’t have been so hard. It was all my fault that I must pay even if it’s someone else’s debt.

There’s moments where I’ve thought at least it’s answer why.. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve asked why me and jeez why so much... everything goes wrong, my body must hate me.

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They created the word impossible because of me.

I’m donating my body fully to science so maybe they can figure out what they haven’t yet. Maybe not in my lifetime but hopefully for my grandchildren. Say what you will but genetics matter.

I believe science matters and I will be out to prove science will help me!

(Maybe why I’m so....mad)

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