I want to start off by saying, logically I’m aware that I shouldn’t feel that way... (but I can almost guarantee I’m not the only one)...
Experiencing self-pity with RA
But does it matter, I have to admit to myself that when it gets worse I will have the worst self pity and self hatred, guilt, and anger. I feel too young, I have too much I want to do in life and lately more the goes wrong the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
The self pity comes to me in the lack of ability. I hate that I need help from any source. I want to walk around the block, be with my husband and go do the things I used to be able to do. I can’t so as much and I feel the guilt that someone has to do it. I want to be a wife and mother with less restrictions.
I feel the despair of my life going this way forever and having no idea what to do about it.
I feel the fear of thinking would my family better off without me.
I feel the pain and hope there’s an end date.
I feel the change that life will forever be different.
I feel the annoyance of having to change life all over again.
I feel the exhaustion of trying to fight so hard.
I feel like “transition” is not my favorite right now.
I'm trying to change
Self hatred that I’ve become an “extra” in other's lives. The feeling of wanting to leave the house less and less so there is no “extra” that day for anyone.. knowing something bothers your spouse and the inability to change no matter how hard you try. Because I am trying if nothing else I am doing that. I swear!!!!
It still doesn’t change all of the above. Unfortunately!
Does your RA impact you financially?