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I am in an abusive relationship

I am in an abusive relationship.

My abuser controls everything I do!!!

What I can eat, what I can wear, when I can put on makeup, how I do my hair, who I can talk to, when I can leave the house, and what I can do.

Sometimes my abuser won’t let me sleep…at all.

My abuser has harmed me. Caused me a lot of pain, anxiety, stress, and physical, mental and emotional problems.

Every. Single. Day.

My abuser has made it so friends and family no longer come around. What a control freak!

My abuser has harmed me so much that I can’t think straight anymore.

My abuser makes me so very angry!

But my abuser won’t listen to me, won’t go away and won’t leave me alone! No matter what I’ve tried!

I’ve gone to professionals but what they did for me didn’t help…it made things worse. Now I don’t feel I can trust them.

I don’t know where to turn or what to do.

I wish I would have never met my abuser!

The name of my abuser?

Rheumatoid Arthritis

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Richard Faust moderator
    2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing the interesting perspective mcadwell. RA is the relationship that one can’t walk away from. On top of all the physical issues are the emotional ones that are even tougher to see, but no less real and serious. This recent article from one of our contributors examines some of these issues and the difficulties enjoying life or “feeling good,” when you almost never feel good:

    Please know that there are people here who understand what you go through and you are always welcome here for support and information. Best, Richard ( Team)

  • Ron
    2 years ago

    Hey mcadwell. My name is Ron. I, too, have the same abuser. Funny that. Mine showed up when I turned 30. That was 37 years ago. We have been through a lot together. Over time, as I aged he, became more aggressive and relentless. But we, my doctors, my wife and I fought back, just to get control. Through serious weight gain, (and losses), some serious drugs and narcotics, we grew. For now, though, and just recently, he is silent. Hopefully to stay that way. Perseverance, along with the meds, physicians, and family has brought me this far and I expect much further. I have come close a couple of times of throwing in the towel and giving up, but, I am not a quitter. So here I am, and hopefully for a lot more. I guess what it boils down to is I learned to “embrace`my rheumatoid arthritis along the way and deal work with it instead. Mentally it works for me. Maybe it will work for you.

  • mcadwell author
    2 years ago

    Ron, I am very glad you’ve found something that works for you and you have a support system to help you out! You are very fortunate that you were able to “silence” the abuser…at least for the time being. Hopefully it will be long-term if not permanent.

    I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for 18 years and have seen multiple doctors. It’s funny that I can’t get a diagnosis but my current rheumatalogist is treating me for RA. My question is, “If you don’t know what I have, how can you treat what I have???” sigh

    When I wrote this piece, I was angry and despondent due to a VERY “owie day”. I’m kind of tired of living in my bed and how everything takes so much effort to do anymore.

    But, like you, I’m not a quitter. To quit means the abuser wins. So some days I’ll cry, some days I’ll be angry, and some days I’ll invent new cusswords because the current ones don’t quite cover the strength of my feelings. 🙂

    I wish you the best!

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