No, Me and RA Are Not Friends

By purnima

3 min read

At the age of 19, this RA came into my life silently. The girl who liked to walk started to get tired easily after walking a few hundred meters. Wow... Then one day, I found that I couldn't walk because I was having extreme low back pain. Still I couldn't figure out what was happening to me. I couldn't even sit for 10mins. It was getting difficult for me to attend college. My attendance went down. I tried to make my professors understand my situation, but they laughed at me and didn't believe me.

My family was already going through financial hardships. And then my deteriorating health put more burden on my father. Doctors couldn't even figure out what was happening to me. In April 2013 one fine day, an orthopaedic doc figured it out and told me I have rheumatoid arthritis. Funny part is that I laughed by hearing this disease name. I am sorry RA - I laughed at you that time, I didn't know that you were going to hit me so bad. I somehow managed to pass my 4th semester.

Living with RA was like living in hell, everyday

More than 2 years of my graduation left. It was like living in hell everyday. I had no friends left, no one to accompany me for my routine check up or routine blood tests. I am still afraid of injections, that time I have no one whom I can hold. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I also had a boyfriend who didn't understand my pain, my frustrations, my struggle. Just left me all alone. I still remember, he once told me "Purnima, you got this disease because of your sins." That night I cried and cried and reviewed my whole life to know what sin had I committed. And I find none. Until today I couldn't forget pain given by him, which was more intense than RA pain.

I was good in my studies, but my grades went down and my rank got below average. More and more people went away from my life. I was emotionally so disturbed I lost my smile. People used to stay away from me because I always looked disturbed. By the way, although many years passed, I am still fighting like my other friends in this community.

Looking ahead to my future with RA

Now I am 25 with no job, no money, and no hope. Presently, I am trying to study for my dream job (to become a machine learning engineer or a data scientist). I feel so low, devastated, I don't know how to cheer myself up and study to get a job. Do you know why I am focusing so much on job? Because I learnt a big lesson few months ago that money is biggest factor if you wanna survive with RA.

This is just a small part of it all.

Whatever I wrote is just small part of my pain. I have no one to share my pain. My family also doesn't understand what challenges I face daily (both physically and emotionally). I tried to share but their reply broke me more. Thanks to this community to let me write my thoughts.

I don't feel like studying, or doing anything. I just wanna run away somewhere I can find peace. No motivation is left inside me. I don't know what is there tomorrow.

At the end, once again thanks to this community. And yes, I don't wanna be friends with RA. It took away everything from me.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
Purnima, I am so sorry that you have faced these many issues. I know you know this, but first off I want to stress that RA is not the result of sin. RA is an autoimmune disease and we have no choice about it one way or another. I am confident of one thing however. You are much more than the sum of your RA parts and pasts. I have had RA for about 20 years. During those 20 years I have done many cool things, including earning a doctoral degree. It is true that my life has been different than I imagined, but it has not been uneventful. Neither should yours. I hope you will take a few steps outside of your present circumstances and attack some of the issues you identify. I know for me one of the big first steps I took after diagnosis was that I entered therapy to learn how to deal with chronic illness. This might be a helpful first step or perhaps other first steps might be helpful. I and all of us will be ready to hear which first step you take and how it turns out. I predict great success. rick - moderator
1. purnima Member
 <inline-mention user-id="3194573" username="Lawrence 'rick' Phillips"/> Your first step was great choice. Here in India I don't think I can find that type of therapy. If somehow therapy is available, I am sure I couldn't afford it. As 1st step I have started eliminating gluten, dairy, processed foods.
2. L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 Purnima Most times what the first step is, is far less important than just taking one. I will be rooting for you !!
Daniel Malito Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="3224479" username="purnima"/> I was diagnosed at 9 and have had RA for many years. I was unable to go away to college myself due to the disease, and I frequently missed classes and the professors thought I was bluffing. Sometimes I'd even tell a lie about something that happened instead of the truth about RA because I feel like they believed it more. Mauled by a dog? Sounds possible. Arthritis in a kid? NEVER!! I know it gets tough, and it feels like you are alone, trust me I know. All I can say is that in my experience, it does get better, and there are up times as well as down. Plus, you have this great community who will be here any time you want to vent or chat. So there's that, and you might even end up with some new great friends who are awesome and super cool and also are funny. I mean, just saying probably some people are like that. Not me, I'm modest. 😀 Keep on keepin' on, DPM
1. purnima Member
 <inline-mention user-id="3160778" username="Daniel Malito"/> Thank you for being so supportive and your motivating words.. 😀
Franki King Moderator & Contributor
Purnima, Thank you for sharing your story. This disease is far from easy to deal with but it does help to talk about your pain. I am so sorry you've had to deal with so much of it! I was diagnosed at 15 so I know how hard it can be trying to adjust to RA as a student. I think you are doing the best job that you can in the circumstances you have. Being a young adult is confusing and difficult enough but when you add RA on top of that it's a whole new level of challenging. Keep going! And don't forget to be patient and kind to yourself (something I definitely don't do enough). We are so glad to have you as part of this community. We understand your pain! Best, Franki (RheumatoidArthritis.net Team)
needshelp Member
Lovely piece of writing.
annw Member
Dear Purima, I am heartbroken to read your story. I am ignorent of how healthcare works in India.But sadly money/insurance is crucial here. you are amazing for completing your degree . You are not alone.You are heard.
adriennek Member
I am sooo sorry that you are going through this. It is extra hard when you have no support & no one understands. I've had RA for about 14yrs now. Most people's story starts the same.... You were in the middle of doing something important in your like & all of a sudden you're in pain in places U've never had pain before & no one believes you & your own family is unsupportive....Oh yeah & my favorite part, no one know what's wrong with you. It usually starts with Depression or chronic fatigue.... My personal favorite is lyme disease. Now, don't get me wrong, Lyme disease is a very serious thing for alot of people. But every time someone has unexplained symptoms....it must be Lyme Disease. There to this day is NO real Lyme test that's actually accurate. Most of the time people get negative results back from testing, no matter how many times they're tested. Even if they actually have it. Which I did not as I repeatedly told any doctor who would listen. But, every single Dr. ran blood work & every single one tested for Lyme disease. I finally ended up in a Dr.'s office I had only recently started seeing in the last couple of years due to a back problem. He took the time to read through the 4 blood tests I had with me & then said that 2 numbers on my blood tests keep going up. He said, we'll try an experiment....I was to start taking a low dose antibiotic & complete the full 30 day dosage. Also, he gave me Prednisone. He told me he thought it was RA, but just in case he's going to treat me for Lyme disease also. He said that if he was right & it was RA that I would notice some relief in my joints in as little as 3 days. So, after 3 days, it was easier for me to walk, so I called him. He was sorry that it was RA, but glad that we now have a diagnosis. He added Methotrexate to the Prednisone & Celebrex & pain pill that I had already been taking for my herniated disk in my back. He referred me to a Rheumatologist who was actually impressed that a regular MD figured it out & gave me the right treatment immediately. Over the years I have tried sooo many meds, some work, some don't, some the side effects aren't worth it. But, the timing was really awful for me too. I had a beautiful blond haired, blue eyed, hyper little boy that I spent all day every day chasing around. I waited over 6yrs to be pregnant with a viable pregnancy. He was about 5yrs old when RA came into our lives with a bang. I've tried to keep up with him, but he's fast & I'm always fatigued. Maybe some day I'll find the right medication & I'll be able to chase after his children instead. Best wishes & God Bless.
1. Lisa Emrich Moderator & Contributor
 AdrienneK, That's fantastic that your doctor was able to do some sleuthing and correctly diagnose you AND refer you immediately to a rheumatologist. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that when the time it right, you get to chase those future grandchildren around. Best, Lisa
2. purnima Member
 Thanks ☺️
purnima Member
As an edit, I wana mention one thing that I got my dream job finally, which pumps some hope inside me. Thanks to all people in this community.
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 So glad to hear about the job Purnima. How is the RA treatment going? Wishing you the best. Richard (RheumatoidArthritis.net Team)
2. purnima Member
 Thanks Richard. So regarding RA treatment, I am focusing on my diet. I am thinking of starting a new post here share about my efforts and changes that I am introducing to defeat this RA. May be this will be helpful for this community.