Letting Go

By introvert

2 min read

While I have minimal control over my RA, I do have the choice of changing the way I think and feel about my present life. So I’ve chosen Letting Go as my guiding force. It doesn’t change my physical pain but it is doing a lot for my emotional state.

Mental health benefits of letting go with RA

Letting go of ‘stuff’ that I can no longer use. I’m slowly weeding through all the things in my home that serve no purpose. It’s turning out to be a big relief. There’s a sense of satisfaction I can’t quite explain, but it puts a smile on my face!
Letting go of other’s expectations. This one is difficult but worthwhile. I’ve been working hard on a ‘no expectations, no regrets’ state of mind. “Sorry I can’t help you with that” said without any excuses, explanations or guilt. I no longer feel the need to explain to the people in my life who know about my limitations. They can accept it or not; NMP (not my problem)
Another source of relief.
Letting go of MY expectations. This one is really tough. Some squirrely part of my mind still wants to believe that all of this is temporary, even after all this time. Am I the only one with this persistent delusion? So now I let it drift through my mind, have a quiet laugh at my silly brain and let go.
Letting go of plans. The only firm plans I make now are doctors and PT appointments. Everything else is now fluid. If I can I will and if I can’t then I don’t sweat it anymore (most of the time). This is a great way to find out who the real friends are, by the way.
Letting go of people. Long and hard road to travel. I’ve found out (and most of you have experienced this) that some of the folk that were in my life couldn’t/wouldn’t cope with the ‘new’ me and moved out of my life. I think this hurt more than the actual RA pain. It took some work on my part to stop viewing their choices as rejection of me and start seeing them as just flawed humans unable to deal with their own limitations, let alone mine. So bless them and let go.

Feeling better with RA

For me, letting go gives me a lighter, more positive outlook on my multiple autoimmune illnesses. Not to say I’m a smiling ball of contentment, but it helps. And I’ll take anything that constructively changes my outlook, even if just for a while.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The RheumatoidArthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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RHall Community Admin
Thank you for sharing your story and these tips <inline-mention username="introvert" user-id="3137804"/>. This is so helpful the way you broke this down. I am curious how you managed to reach this state of mind? Did you just decide this in a moment of realization of what you wanted to do to move forward? Or was it something that happened over time? - Reggie, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> Team Member
1. introvert Member
 <inline-mention username="RHall" user-id="3226625"/> I just realized that I already had the tools and wasn't using them. So much easier to teach it than it is to do it lol.
L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 I have let go. Unfortunately my wife suggests that I need to retake control, like of the garage shelves, the office shelves, and the closet shelves. Are you sensing a pattern? Well I did what she suggested, i took everything off the shelves and put on the floor. Turns out she had a bit of a different idea about taking control. Go figure. ................... rick 
1. introvert Member
 Love your sense of humor!
Drea Member
I absolutely agree about letting go of most things. It's OK if the laundry waits another couple days. I've learned to let go of perfectionism. And that's a good thing. I'm still compulsive about doing certain things as I always have, but the one good thing about RA, for me, is that it put life in perspective. 
1. introvert Member
 <inline-mention username="Drea" user-id="3929170"/> 👏 (clapping in agreement 😉
JodyJ Member
I finally had to do the same exact thing. I had to get a hospital bed at home, a walker, etc. The “rollator” don’t work so well. My hands, fingers, every joint, bone, muscle, organs, in my body; have been invaded. In my head? I feel 20 again. Oh, alright .. 35. Physically? I’m a tore up mess. I just had to start looking at everything in a different perspective. Adapt! If i can do it? Then i do it. If i can’t? I don’t. My “friends” have abandoned me. Because I can’t do most all the things I used to do and Love to do. One thing i am not giving up? I Love to Camp. So? Buying me a New Cot Tent, On good days? I’m setting that up outside, place my BBQ nearby, Cooler, and Do what I Love to do; even if it’s in my own yard. “Florida?” It’s Never Winter here! Getting a bit cooler and I am waiting in Anticipation. God Bless You All !! 
1. introvert Member
 <inline-mention username="JodyJ" user-id="4276068"/> Hello fellow Floridian! Living here is a blessing. I can handle the heat but not the kind of cold they get up north. Glad to hear you are doing what you need to take care of you.
JodyJ Member
<inline-mention username="introvert" user-id="3137804"/> hello! And thank you. I can’t take the cold either. Came down here 1st of January with no intentions of leaving the “Tropics” I’m in SW Florida. I’m an introvert! Good day!! Very over-cast here today. (I came from the Midwest)
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="introvert" user-id="3137804"/> thanks so much for sharing. So glad you are able to "Let Go". I have shifted there also. It however, was a process for me, that didn't happen overnight. Again, appreciate you sharing. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
Richard Faust Community Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="introvert" user-id="3137804"/>. As you can see, your article has definitely resonated. I can honestly say that, while I could certainly find some excellent articles in our archive dealing with these individual topics, this may be the first piece I've seen that lays out all of them in one place. I think letting go of personal expectations (#3) may be the one people in the community have expressed experiencing the most difficulty with over time. I also suspect that it is the one most closely intertwined with trying to manage/come to grips with the others. Thank you so much for contributing this to the community conversation - people here definitely understand. Best, Richard (RheumatoidArthritis.net Team)
1. introvert Member
 <inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="3227544"/> TY!
Kodistrong Member
I recently went through my closet and got rid of all the shoes that I know I will never wear again. High heels. Pointed toes. Relics of a life before pain in my feet and ankles took over. I was never much of a shoe person so it might have been easier for me than others, but it was a relief not staring at them every time I opened that door. They were reminders I didn’t need! I do water aerobics which do wonders for me. I got a zipper front suit and now I don’t struggle to get in and out. No more dreading class. Adaptations aren’t endings. They make the life you do have more enjoyable and livable. 
1. introvert Member
 <inline-mention username="Kodistrong" user-id="4173627"/> Congrats! I did the same thing (when I had to retire) with my rather extensive work shoes collection. I gave them to some fixed income nursing home clients who are in wheelchairs. One lady had said that just because she is in a wheelchair doesn't mean she can't have pretty shoes on her feet. Put things in perspective for me.
2. L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 I completely agree about how important adaptions are. I use walking poles and they have given me a part of my life back. People often comment how brave I am. Brave? No way am I brave I just don’t want to be a webble people. ….. rick
introvert Member
 Rick, How do walking poles differ from canes? 
1. L rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="introvert" user-id="3137804"/> Oh, they are fantastic. The poles look like ski poles with rubber tips. I love them. Here is a link to the website I purchased them from. When I got them last year, I could barely walk. When my RA is under control, I walked 2-5 miles each day. I will get back to it after the infusions this month. https://urbanpoling.com/urban-poles-us/ rick 
2. introvert Member
 Cool! Thanks! I'm starting to loose my ability to walk so this is helpful/hopeful.
chasingthelight67 Member
I think the "letting go of people who can't deal with the new me" is the most painful. My faithful Naproxen doesn't manage that hurt. 
1. Erin Rush Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="chasingthelight67" user-id="4201401"/> , I hear you! It is a special kind of pain when you have to let some relationships go and it's definitely more pain than Naproxen can handle! Gentle Hugs, Erin, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> Team Member.
jdaph Member
Yea, letting go, of our own expectations, of others expectations of us, without GUILT!!!!!! My process of letting go has been going on for decades, but mostly in the past 10 years, for decades I just sucked it up and toughed it out,, thinking I had to do everything myself,, and make everyone else happy,, Im in my 60s now, and no longer believe or live by that philosophy,, ,, I love taking care of my grown kiddo's, and husband, but now in measured doses,, doing what I can when I can and saying no when I cant... for the most part my children and husband have accepted this,, especially this year having had carpel tunnel surgery and ulnar nerve decompression surgery on both hands and elbows, which many set backs in the healing process. So the latest thing Ive had to "let go of " has been doing Thanksgiving dinner this year like Ive always done,, and Christmas decorating and baking... Struggled with these two for a long while, but then realized its only this year,,, next year,, Lord willing,, I will be healed and my hands will be stronger,, and I will be holding my first grandbaby,, while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, then decorating for Christmas and doing some baking.. 
1. Erin Rush Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="jdaph" user-id="3181474"/> , I love your comment. It's so full of honesty and hope and I think a lot of our members can benefit from it. I know I already commented on another comment of yours about your surgery recovery, so apologies if I sound like a broken record. I hope your recovery becomes easier and you continue to find joy in this holiday season and hope for the future ones! Best, Erin, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> Team Member.
jdaph Member
Thank you so much Erin,, please dont apologize about repeating things,, I often need reminders to stay positive, and focused, and to help others as well. I pray your holiday is filled with joy as well.