Life is struggle....many a times...

I always played sports in my schooling...thought of continuing through out my life until I was dx with RA at the age of 14. This story started when one day I woke up in pain and thought it was some pain due to playing too much. After a couple of days, I couldn't play volley ball as my fingers were in intense pain. At that age it was like hell. Tears rolled down my cheeks because until that age I was a very healthy kid. After a couple of days, I couldn't wake up from bed. I needed support of my family to do daily chores. In India summer vacation starts by April so my family doctor suggested to meet another as he was not aware what it was (medicine was not advanced this much 17 years back.)

We met a different doctor after a long journey and then ran so many tests. I was so terrified at that age. My parents couldn't stop their tears as I remember. I was under huge medication and recovered very slowly. I was in my class tenth and pain affected my studies very badly. Unaware of what I was undergoing many thought I neglected my studies.

In 11th and 12th grade I stopped these meds and started something else when lead to deformity in my fingers it was the worst phase of my life.

I entered my graduation leading a tedious life and limping leg, then my parents introduced me to hot oil massages which literally helped me to walk as normal person
Then I moved to Bangalore to further my studies and there I met a rheumatologist which was a rainbow at the end of hell. I was on methotrexate and disease modifying drugs which made my condition better with on and off depression symptoms.

One fine day I met an old school friend of mine and things moved smoothly we liked each other and he strongly willed to marry me knowing my condition as I was always in pain. Everything went well and we got married in 2009 and I was pregnant at the age of 29 and gave birth to a baby boy naturally in 2013.

After one month of birth my flare up was so bad I couldn't hold my baby. I was on steroids for one year and I stopped complaining of pain because it hurts my husband a lot.
I had synovitis in my elbow and it was really bad. I approached a PT for exercise and that phase was a painless phase in my entire life. Actually I planned on having another baby but my husband was to reluctant to it. After a lot of discussion, I was kept on other drugs stopping methotrexate, then started the very worst phase of my life which lead to synovitis in many joints. Lots and lots of steroids, pain killers, uncontrollable pain and a lot of tears rolled down. I could barely walk. I was again on methotrexate now and waiting for biologics infusion. I cried when I met the doctor for the last time and he encouraged us to have kids when I was completely ok.

Life has showed me many phases of pain from limping to depression. I came out every time with the help of my husband. I always believed in God but that belief diminishes when I have pain. No one can understand the pain of RA sufferer until a self experience. Praying for a pain free day. Sorry for the long story but I couldn’t stop myself.

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