Managing the Mess

I'm not a multi-tasker. I don't do anything in a hurry. I prefer a leisurely stroll over a sprint. That my husband will simultaneously wash dishes, cook a meal, and fix the can opener mystifies me.

I do pay attention to details, though. I like things tidy. I relax better in a tidy environment. I make to do lists and feel good when things get crossed off.

RA is a messy condition

RA is not a tidy disease. I learned to manage the mess until 2 new medical hiccups appeared this year. A meningioma is nestled against my optic nerve and, for reasons still unknown, my eosinophil count is climbing into a range that makes my doctor uncomfortable.

Neurosurgeons and hematologists have been added to my to do list. One wants frequent MRIs, the other has a lengthy list of labs ordered.

This morning I learned that the lab couldn't run my latest TB test because they labelled the tube incorrectly. Could I please pop back in? I need the TB test done like now so I can change biologics. It took the lab 2 weeks to tell me that they screwed up.

After my 3rd medical related phone call this morning I noticed that my to do list was growing by the hour while nothing was getting crossed off.

Managing RA is overwhelming

This does not feel tidy. Details are running amok. I had made peace or at least called a truce with the tilt a whirl ride that is RA. The addition of these other unresolved medical issues has me flustered and out of sorts.

I admire all of us here for learning how to adapt and take one day at at time. But I don't want to adapt today. Going with the flow is getting on my last nerve. I want things to feel resolved. Maybe I should file my to do list under "not right now", take a breath and learn to embrace the new uncertainties. Sigh.

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