So Down now, yesterday, probably tomorrow too

I have been diagnosed with RA, just a year now, and feel totally lost and fed up. I am lost, where is the person who built this house with her husband, who grew her own garden vegetables and fruit and raised her own animals for food and company? All I am at this moment is a blob in front of the TV and laptop watching crap tv. Tired and unmotivated, some hours with the energy to get the dishes washed, the floor swept, then sit, worn out, as if I had just finished something important. Don't get me wrong, it is important to get these things done but I WANT to be able to garden or sew or study or God forbid, earn some money. I had a fulltime job with great future, then one morning I could not hold my toothbrush, walk without the feeling of lego in my shoes, comb my hair. I am feeling angry, cheated and so damn frustrated (that word does NOT even come close to what I feel). I have a lot to be thankful for. BUT. I HAD a lot to look forward to and now cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry if I am putting a downer on anyone but I had to vent. I live in hope of hope, sad eh!
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