Hi I've been without health insurance for almost 2 years. I suffer daily I decided to put my pain on paper Here I go.
I wear a cloak of pain, a being, an entity, almost human, but not. This cloak has changed me, weighed me down, slowed my footsteps, sucked my happiness from my very core. I plead with this cloak, leave me alone, go away. At times cloak is quiet. It is then and only then, when I can breath deeper, laugh louder, love harder, hold loved ones close. Alas cloak always makes his presence known. In those times I want to scream, but wait, I am screaming, deep inside with every turn of a knob, or staircase I climb.
At times at night I awaken, shivering from the cold, I concentrate on that one objective, pull the blanket up, the cloak tightens its grip, I can't move it not one inch, my fingers feel as If they are being torn from their sockets. I cry for help. I hear a reply, faint like a whisper on the wind. It grows louder, I still myself, " are you here to help?" I ask with hope building inside. The faint voice gets louder, until it booms in my head like thunder. The cloak is laughing and evil laugh. I yell and tear at the cloak begging for a fight, a fight I know I can not win, so I lay there cold and excepting, the pain too great the feat too difficult. In the darkness I cry, anguish is crushing me, stealing my soul, stealing my breath, stealing me.
Me, I'm still here somewhere, I know I am. I watch people with almost a ravenous hunger. The way they run or dance, or doing something as simple as bending down to hold their children or grandchildren to walk without the cloak. I get angry watching these people. I scream why me cloak? What have I done to deserve this? I have tried to take the cloak off, but it has embedded itself into my skin, it's filthy tentacles reaching deep inside, always seeking a new place to hide, a new place to unleash its fury.
Why would cloak pick me? Maybe he thought I was strong enough, strong enough for this unrelenting pain.He was wrong thank you all for taking the time to read this.
Do you expect to see a cure for RA?