The Fear and Loathing of Pain
I officially had pain medication (morphine) put into my pump along with the muscle relaxer baclofen and then I was so ill for the last week not even being able to keep down water. I thought to myself please don’t be my pump making me sick. It’s really hard to go back from having constant morphine directly into your spinal fluid. That also might work.
Adjusting to this new medication
I don’t actually know how it would be if I’d have to stop this medication. I waited a week of being super sick to text my doctor just in case it was the flu or just in case I needed to get used to the medication. If I were to tell him to early he’d assume it was the medicine and put me back into the hospital. I’ve had enough time in that hospital.
Then all of a sudden I just stopped getting sick the day I told myself I would call my doctor and tell him I’ve been unable to eat for a week and I only drank water just so I would have something to throw up.
I was so terrified since I had so many problems when the pump was put in. (Silver lining tho I lost a lot of weight- it’s probably not a good weight loss program but it still took me down 20lbs.)
Today was that day that it just stopped and I was finally able to see how I felt with the medication and I now know I’ll need an increase but honestly I haven’t felt like I’ve needed anything else for most of my pain.
This new medication provided some clarity
I’ve had some problems with severe osteoarthritis and I now know what needs to be fixed and what needs to be let go. When you hurt all over all the time the issues with your body seem to blend and you can’t pinpoint individual issues but now I know exactly what and where things hurt. I’m still in a lot of pain but there’s hope that I’ll have a future that’s going to be my new normal.
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