Painting your smile won't stop your pain

Since my rheumatoid arthritis, hashimotos, degenerative disc disease diagnosis 4 years ago I've been gradually becoming depressed. You see in my family I'm the rock. I'm the one that takes care of the fam in all ways. My children are all over 19 years old but being mom and wife never ends and is one of my proudest accomplishments.

I'm the type of person that will try and find something positive in every situation and/or every person. I can't find anything positive to say about RA right now. I'm constantly aching, always having flares and fatigue quickly. I hide this daily and paint my face with a smile as not to worry anyone. Crying inside while cooking, working out, typing, driving, walking, standing, sitting, hugging..living!

I refuse to burden my loving husband and kids because I'm "broken "! They can't fix me. You see I use to tell my family when I was flaring or having a rough day. They would constantly fuss over me and take over all household duties. Bring me ice packs, heating pads, ginger and turmeric concoctions. Trying to fix it! But feeling defeated when I still hurt. So now I say I'm fine when asked what's wrong and schedule my doctor appointments when I know they can't come and see this disease is getting worse..not better!!! And that the families cheerleader has a disease that constantly boos her from the inside even though it may not show on the outside.

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