Scared for the future….

There are days when I just want to stand in the street and scream why me? I am 36 yrs. old and I feel like one of the little old ladies I take care of. I find it very hard to slow down and sit, even though I know by the end of the day I will have to drag my self up the stairs to bed after taking multiple pills. I was diagnosed with RA 3 yrs. I ignored signs and symptoms for yrs. but finally when I looked at my hand and it looked like every one was broken I saw a dr. who referred me to a rheumatologist. It has been the beginning of what I know will be a very long road. I work at a nursing home as a nurse tech. It is a very physical job that leaves me in a lot of pain at the end of the day. I know I should start to think of the future because this is not a job I will be able to do for much longer. I love what I do, I love being able to care for people, but I am scared of what my future will be like and how I will handle that. I know that someday I will lose the use of my hands. I have some contracture and deformity in the knuckle. I have found that the multiple therapies have helped with that. As I care for my patients who are looking at the end of their journey I hope that I too will be able to live the best quality of life I can and do it with grace.

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