When to say when

48 yo white male in Texas thank God the cold is unbeatable. Was diagnosed with ra in 2010. Did a lot of treatment for it but nothing seem to work; methotrexate, folic acid, ect, some I can't even say. My doctor put me on Remicade infusions that seemed to help and I thought we were moving in the right direction but the next year I developed lumps on the back of my neck and in my groin area that turned out to be Lymphnoma. 6 months of chemo that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and now I'm left with painkillers and steroids as the answer. I don't know if people understand when you tell them that you're in pain. I don't think they really get it but the only thing that I have to keep me going is my wife and two young boys or I would have done ended it 4 months into chemo. So now it's Day by day. I'm just trying to hold on and make the best of it. Still at the end of my rope so I joined this website to talk to people that understand what I'm talking about when I say that I'm in the pain they know that I'm in pain and don't look at me as if I just want drugs. I don't know what would be better; a junkie or ra, sometimes I feel like both. So so tired of this life, so tired.

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