Why ME???!!!

Who knew that when something happens, even the slightest thing, it should not be taken for granted? Well, I most certainly didn’t, until now.

Over a year ago, my ring finger on my left hand became stiff and very painful. I didn’t give it much thought and chalked it up to a sprain or nerve damage and went along with my daily activities like nothing happened, except when I did something like lifting or trying to open a jar, and this pain would hit me to the core. Or in the mornings when I wake and tried to make a fist, I would see stars.
Then another day, my right arm around my wrist was swollen for days. I soaped it in warm water and Epson salts until it went down. Then came the middle finger on my right hand the was swollen and dark at the knuckle.

Then three other fingers on my left hand started to feel like my ring finger was and then it hit me, “Something isn’t right. Go see a doctor!”

When I finally did, and after a number of test and blood work, I was diagnosed with RA. Not knowing what it was I went to get a second opinion and then a third and then decided to read up on it.

To my surprise, all my previous experiences were small signs of this ongoing situation and I had just ignored it.

I decided to start treating it and was introduced to HCQS by my doctor, which did not work, so he put me on methotrexate which worked within a few days to weeks and I was able to reuse my ring finger. to my horror, this was only the beginning of the worst to ever befall me. I started to ache mainly in the toes and under foot. A burning, painful sensation that forced the doctors to check my blood glucose levels which was normal after the test. But more symptoms started to reveal it self and overtime became worse.

I am now back on HCQS but still have not shown much signs of improvement since I am always in pain especially in the morning hours. My daily life has been affected tremendously, my personal life and my faith is slowly decreasing. I am afraid to try new drugs because of the side effects always sounding worse than what you already have. I have no children and am about to be married to a wonderful man who has been my biggest support thus far. I’m depressed most days, cause I feel like my immediate family doesn’t believe the level of my pains or if they do, they think I’m overreacting. I don’t blame them for lack of knowledge but would really prefer to get back to some state of normalcy or at least be able to not be in pain for the rest of my life. I’m writing, and I’m crying. All I keep asking is , “Why Me?!”

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