Anyone Else Sick of Justifying Your Decisions to Protect Yourself in a World that has Covid in It?
I know the world is sick of Covid. I get it. I’m sick of it, too. But I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, Psoriatic Arthritis, am now on a biologic & just finished a course of steroids because one of my inflammation markers managed to double despite the addition of the biologic, so I don’t have a choice. Not to mention the 100 extra lbs all the steroids during my diagnosis years(I’m serionegative) left me with.
Those of us with certain disorders, on certain meds, at certain disease activities, we have to think about it. We have to make decisions still on the precautions we take. We have to make decisions on what chances we are willing to take. And we have to do it based on less & less up to date information that is next to impossible to find in the hundreds of articles returned on the average Google search because there is a current finding that some people who have had Covid have developed… wait for it… Rheumatoid Arthritis! For the reputable articles we do manage to find, it would be most helpful to hold a Medical Research degree, because that is pretty much the only definitive(I use the term loosely) information I’ve been able to find - Medical studies. The terminology, measures & results are less than intuitive to the layperson. Or to the self-admitted science geek, like me.
Worse than all that, is the continual poo pooing of the decisions we make concerning protecting ourselves. Especially to family & friends. I can deal with the occasional already drunk from straw being scraped down the back of my bare arm by the person reaching to place his drink between my arm & the card reader, just before loudly proclaiming, “Oh, I’m sorry! Did I get too close to you?” as a reference to my mask which he then begins a loud speech to the rest of the line occupants behind me on how masks don’t work. The could cate less about those opinions.
But from family & friends… “You can’t stop living/wasting your life!” “Your just making excuses not to go out.” “Why worry about catching Covid? You could be killed in a car accident tomorrow!” These are just a few of the oft repeated comments I’ve endured since precautions & masks were repealed for everyone else. Some are from my daughters, some from my grandson’s other grandma.
I have explained my risks, the research I’ve done & my reasoning. But still the comments.
I’m going to wear my mask. Do I like it? No - I’m claustrophobic & have situational asthma(one of the situations being every time I put the darn thing on! LoL). But it will give me some protection when I have to be inside for an extended period. Im going to distance & avoid crowds or being inside with large groups. That means I’m not going to shop in store’s regularly or go to movies at peak times. I prefer outdoor dining to in &, much as I love Disturbed, I won’t be going to a crowded concert venue anytime soon.
I have a simple question I ask myself before any event or outing: “Is what I want to do worth possibly dying for?” Far from stopping living, I make the choices I make because I still have living to do!! One of my bucket list items is to dive with Great White Sharks. Free dive, not cage. But I intend to be wearing a steel chain mail shark suit when I do it, not jump in with them naked! Likewise, I see no need to go running blindly towards Covid instead of making thoughtful decisions on what is worth the amount of risk I’d be taking.
Things I answered yes in the past months to the question: my “nephews” wedding at an outdoor venue with the quaint & large reception room; an overnight beach trip with other grandma, a 4 day one with my grandson & other grandma to which 4 other fam members would occasionally join us; my daughter’s birthday dinner at her friend’s restaurant where, though inside, the table was well away from the others & everyone at our table was vaccinated; shopping in some favorite stores with my Bestie as soon as they open so we can leave when it starts to get crowded; last Tuesday 2.30 matinee with my Bestie(1st movie in 3 yrs!)
Things the answer was no to: family Christmas dinner in a house with several unvaccinated people; shopping for groceries in the store(I live in the 7th largest city in US & curbside is standard & free if you don’t need it less than 6hrs out); Sunday afternoon movie matinee with fam after I had told them the theaters suggested weekday matinees as least crowded(2.4 mil people & Sunday is always packed); flying to Atlanta for 2 funerals during cold & flu season; going on a cruise to Alaska(yes a cruise… SMH 2 of my cousins have resumed cruising & both had Covid right after).
I would have flown, yes, even during cold & flu season, to say goodbye to my 93 year old Aunt as she was dying, but my cousins asked no one outside of the immediate family visit because they didn’t want to chance her being exposed to Covid or other illnesses. I would not have flown to say goodbye to my Uncle a month before my Aunt died, much as it broke my heart, because one of the illnesses he was hospitalized with was Covid. Family reunions in summer, yes.
I’ve had to begin setting boundaries, even with family. I’ve left my grandson & daughters birthday dinner early when they started in with the comments about my choices. My grandson got it -“They shouldn’t have been doing that to you, Nana!” I shut down other grandma just a couple hours ago - “I’m not going to have this argument again.” If I’m seeing a friend for the first time in a while, I ask nicely if they’ve been vaccinated. If they have, the risk of hugging them is one worth taking. Setting boundaries is hard, but there comes a time when one must take care of oneself. I’ve reached that time. I’m hoping that more of those I love will begin to honor my boundaries. If not, well, I’m also taking vitamin B12 injections now to help with the exhaustion. If they work, I’ll be able to get out more & am not a stranger to traveling to places that make me happy by myself. And the sea has been calling to me…
As in all things, there is an exception to being asked the same thing over & over. I’m planning on flying to SC to see my brother who is in the early stages of dementia in the next month or two when my nephew next travels there from CA. He’s been wanting me to come, but understands each time I explain why I can’t fly at certain times of year now. I always have to explain it again, but that’s ok. See, for Jimmy, once I tell him I stand a chance of getting sick, he’s ok with it. When he asks me again, sometimes on the same call, he isn’t questioning my decisions, he’s just forgotten we talked about it already. He knows what a gift he is giving me, that acceptance. I tell him, every time.
Have any of you come up against this pressure to forego your self-protection? How have you ended up handling it?
I have RA and I caught COVID over the last holidays due to someone else in the household not taking precautions or listening. I was angry for a bit, no doubt, but then I realized person/people around were not going to really try to get it, and I was only making myself more stressed and angry (which is an RA trigger for me and others) so I had to stop. Now I just do the best I can for myself and other people are gonna do what they are gonna do, I tell myself. Of course I am in no way telling you not to be angry or feel upset about it because you are right about everything you said. It's just the world we live in now, unfortunately, people's minds are extremely difficult to change, if not impossible, so I'm just doing what I need to do and doing the best I can. Just know you can always come here and talk to other people who get it, when the world doesn't. Keep on keepin' on, DPM
I think your words on this topic were honest, wise, and spot on
! I think we are all sick of Covid, but I would never judge someone choosing to stay on alert and remain cautious. That's your choice and your right and I am sad that anyone (especially family) would criticize you! It sounds like you have said "yes" to many family events and I hope you have enjoyed them (I love family events, but sometimes, a little family time goes a long way 😉 ).
You are making calculated choices and that's just smart, in my opinion.
Here's to fighting the good fight. You have every right to protect your health. After all, it's not like anyone else can 'take on' your covid symptoms, if you were to get it, or the health setbacks covid could trigger in your other conditions (Ra, Psa, etc).
Best, Erin, RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member.All I have to say about COVID is, if smart you will for yourself and others like us and the elder-the diabetic-etc, get vaccinated. And leave others alone, if you don't vaccinate or care much about getting COVID, good for you. Wish you well. As a note ALL-yes ALL military servicemen get vaccinated and get even more when deploying overseas. Did you know how it way made, who made it, what it had in it. Yes, you could ask but all I ever seen in 23 yrs was sleeves rolled up and arm getting multiple injections @ one time. I wear a bandana on my face always, most the time just around my neck, but easy to rise if a sick or coughing person comes into my space. Anyone talking smack about my n-95 and or with bandana that is family get a long stern look. And a Really? Family knows of my RA-etc, that most by now know to leave comments @ a suggestion box. LOL All veterans at hospitals and clinics that think they have something to say, I mention the above and tell them to stop talking, move clear of me" cause you don't know me enough to continue". Most do, yet it still then makes my BP to be high for vitals when getting into doctor, who will say they are sorry it happens. Be well, be safe. John H Hope I did not infringe on community standards.
You are perfectly fine! You are allowed to express your opinion and you are right in that people tend to pay attention to other people’s business way more than they should. Probably more than even their own business which, I’m sure, needs attention. I can certainly identify with this as when I go to the food store and wear my mask, I get stares. I have RA and, frankly, I just don’t want to get sick at all. I hate being sick no matter what it is - flu, sniffles, ear infection, and yes, COVID. No reason why I shouldn’t be able to protect myself without weird looks! You are not alone. Keep on keepin’ on, DPM No worries - I’m a former military spouse of 17 years, not to mention a descendant & sister of every Service except the Coast Guard! 😉 I get all my vaccines, including the extras. I understand people not wanting to get their vaccines unless they’ve been extensively tested. However, just as military service-people can’t be safely deployed to a place they will fight without many vaccines, some probably even experimental still, there are times civilians shouldn’t refuse, either… Like pandemics. But we live in a free society, so they are within their legal rights to do so. That’s why I will continue to ask when going to an indoor gathering if all have their vaccines. And I’ll have a mask in my purse ready to go.
I have had to downgrade to surgical masks from my N95… I have asthma & it turns out I can’t both compensate for the additional effort to breathe required by changes in the weather & breathing through an N95 at the same time. Scared my Primary to death when my blood ox dropped into hypoxia at a regular checkup! 😉
Thank you for your service & keep being you!
I agree 100%. We each need to protect ourselves then we protect others at the same time. Respect. I had to tell someone not to come to my home because he left a relatives home and they were so sick they couldn’t get off the couch. I won’t endanger my family for the unknown. Let’s be safe not sorry
I think common sense rules are certainly the best way to go and it sounds like that person wasn't really following even the most basic of precautions, but I'm sure it was a sticky situation all around. By the way I love the poinsettias! Keep on keepin' on, DPM 
thank you for reaching out. Absolutely, do what you need to do to protect yourself and your loved ones. Also, I wanted to say thank you for your picture. You look lovely and it is such a beautiful and festive background. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member"
