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, I am so glad you reached out. Being a caregiver is HARD. We have some caregivers in this community and some of our contributors are caregivers for their loved ones with RA, but, they don't post as much as in the past. There are groups specifically designed for caregivers and they may not be solely for RA, but you will find caregivers of all types in those spaces that understand what you are going through. That said, please know you are welcome here, as well. I just want to direct you to the most helpful resources for YOU. I would check out communities like this -- https://www.caregiveraction.org/ and -- https://www.care.com/c/caregiver-support-groups/. Also, if your husband is open to it, therapy is always an option. Or you can just find a therapist for you to help you weather this change in your lives. There are lots of online therapy options, which can be helpful for convenience (although I am still partial to in-person therapy). After all, you do what you can to take care of your physical health, why shouldn't we safeguard our mental health just as diligently?

I don't have fabulous advice in regards to managing your husband's moods in regards to RA. I mean, that's always going to be tricky. It's hard to separate the disease from the person when it's the person snapping at you, not the disease. Also, that cliched advice of putting on your own oxygen mask first is pretty accurate. You need to do what you can to stay healthy and happy, too. I know that may feel like adding just one more task to your already growing "to-do" list, but it's darned important. I hope some of the links I provided lead you to some feasible options. After all, you deserve support just as much as your spouse.

Thanks so much for reaching out and please know you're not alone in this. As Richard already shared, he is a spouse to someone with RA, and he knows firsthand how challenging it can be.

Best, Erin, Team Member.

Hi . As previously noted, my wife, Kelly Mack, has RA (actually, in her case juvenile RA) and is a contributor here. She was diagnosed at age two, 46 years ago - before modern treatments, with the damage to show for it. She has used a wheelchair since childhood and had her first joint replacements, bilateral hips and knees, at ages 15 and 16 respectively. She also is an example that a full and happy life is possible. She works, loves to travel, and spend time with friends and family.

All that said, I don't want to sugarcoat things - it is not easy, but I do want to point out that things can get better. I want to share with you this video Kelly and I made on caregiving: https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/video/video-caregiving. You can also find her bio, with a link to all of her articles here: https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/community/experts/kelly-mack. There are also plenty of other contributors who have had RA for quite some time and built lives for themselves.

I also want to note that it is not surprising that this early time following the diagnosis is hard. It takes time to find a treatment, get the RA under control, adjust and come to terms with what happened, and develop new ways of doing things that work for you. It is important that both you give yourselves some grace. provided some excellent resources that hopefully can help navigate this time. That fact that you are seeking out places that you can get information and support is an important first step. I can't say what the future and life will look like for you and your husband - that is something you will have to figure out for yourselves, but I do know it is possible to build a life you want. One final note: treatments have come a long way and, while the trial and error method of finding a treatment is certainly frustrating, controlling RA, particularly early, is possible. Please know that this community is here for both of you. Best, Richard (Team Member)

Thank you very much for your supportive words.