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But, you look so good… Help me understand

Okay, I don’t mean to “flare” anyone up, but I don’t understand the degree of negativity people express about, “But you look so good.”

If I feel and look like crap, and others don’t see it, I don’t blame them for my illness being invisible to them.

If, in spite of how bad I feel, I have tried to wear an attractive and comfortable outfit or actually blown dry my hair or put make up on, and someone notices, it boosts my mood a little bit.

Sometimes others are truly are surprised that they can’t see my pain and fatigue and are unsure of what to say and falter a bit. If it seems worthwhile, I may try to explain my RD symptoms.

Can you gently help me understand why “But you look so good” causes such strong responses? I don’t doubt the depth of feelings and I’d like to understand better.

(Honestly, I’ve wanted to post this question for quite awhile, but have been afraid to trigger more pain or anger)

With Hope and Best Wishes, Jo

  1. I get that reaction frequently and I bristle at it. The reason is that I I feel it minimizes what I just opened up and shared about my RA. When I have tried to explain how complicated the condition is and how it is different from OA - and all someone can say is that I look good, it feels like my words did not count at all. But I get that it is nice to have someone notice that you made an effort to look good. Unfortunately, there is more going on under the surface and it feels like they are choosing to stop looking at anything past the surface.

    1. I can understand not feeling validated, or worse, not believed in response to your explaining how the RA is affecting you. Do you have a feel for what response you would rather hear? Has someone handled it in a way that helped you? Thank you, Jo

      1. Well, the ideal response would be - I realize it is a day to day thing and I wish you more good days than bad! Or even - what kind of day are you having because you look good.

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