Learning How to Live With RA

By maureen55

Last Updated:

1 min read

I’ve always been a very active person, raising 3 of my own children, my eldest having serious development problems and epilepsy, plus fostering 4 more from one family, plus caring for my husband who has serious heart/diabetes, plus caring for my elderly infirm dad.

Anger, envy, and RA

Now to come to this, RA plus OA plus other health issues. Needing to use a walker indoors and w/chair when out.

I see people a lot older than me walking to the local shops, or walking to catch a bus and although I don’t mean to be, I feel so very envious and angry with myself that I can’t do those things.

I’ve been told that I need to see lack of mobility as a new way of living which I need to adjust to, and while that makes sense, it doesn’t stop those feelings of envy.

Thank you for listening, Maureen55!

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RHall Community Admin

Hi <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> -- you are welcome, we are here to listen. I know you aren't looking for permission, but I just want to say that your feelings of anger at losing mobility and your envy for those free from health conditions is *completely* valid. You didn't ask for RA. You didn't ask for it to be a condition without a cure (currently). Why you? I think the fact you acknowledge those feelings is actually healthy. The harder part is what to do with them. I want to share an article about RA & anger that may add some relief, at least to know you're not alone: <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/repressed-anger' target='_blank'>https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/repressed-anger</a> Thank you for sharing your story with us. Warmly, - Reggie, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> team member
maureen55 Member

Thank you Reggie for pointing to me that very thought provoking article, also I went onto read the article after that talks about grieving and anger at loosing the life I had. Thank you for caring enough to take time to respond to my post and share those articles with me. Take good care of yourself Reggie and I hope you have a sprinkling of good days, amongst the bad ones, thank you, x
1. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 
 Just wanted to make sure you saw this comment from <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/>, <inline-mention username="RHall" user-id="3226625"/>. -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
2. RHall Community Admin
 
 <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> You are so welcome! I'm glad the articles spoke to you. Also, love your picture that you included in your story! : ) - Reggie, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> team member
maureen55 Member

I’ve written a reply Reggie but seems to have disappeared when I ticked the reply button so I hope it came through to you, all good wishes, Maureen55
1. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 
 <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> it has since come through. Thanks so much for your response and kind words to Reggie. I'll be sure to tag him so that he can see your comment himself. I'm so glad the article he shared was thought provoking for you and the article after was helpful as well. Wishing you a gentle day. -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
2. RHall Community Admin
 
 <inline-mention username="christine.laaksonen" user-id="3148879"/> Thanks! : ) - Reggie, team member
Franki King Member

Hi <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> first can I just say that it is obvious how beautiful of a human you are, not just from that lovely photo you shared but also through your care of your family, your husband, and fosters! It takes a special person to do all of that. I'm so sorry that you're now presented with a life that doesn't allow you to be of service in the same way. I know exactly what you mean about the envy. My RA started in my elbows at 15 and I've never been able to fully straighten them since. I never thought I'd find myself staring at other people's elbows with envy but I did it all the time; seems silly but you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. I wanted so badly to just have normal arms again. 11 years later and I actually don't stare at elbows anymore. Over time I was finally able to make peace with and accept my body for what it is. Obviously, this has not been easy, especially since it wasn't just my elbows that started to change, but i 
1. maureen55 Member
 
 <inline-mention username="Franki King" user-id="3167530"/> thank you Franki for those kind words, I’m slowly beginning to be thankful for the life I have now, even with all the downside. A nice comfortable warm home, a lovely caring family, especially my daughter who is my carer and does tasks I can’t do now, vacuuming, changing bedding etc. a roof over my head, food on the table, enough money that I don’t need to worry about bills coming in, so much to be thankful for when In these times many are struggling with ever increasing cost of living, so very slowly I’m trying to appreciate the positives in my life rather than look at the negatives, all good wishes to whoever is reading this, x
2. Franki King Member
 
 <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> gratitude is key! So much to be grateful for 😀
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Member

<inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> I could relate to your posts in several different ways. When I read it I knew I needed to reach out. First off you are an amazing human and I am so glad that it sounds like you have some solid supports in place. Your daughter sounds like she is really good with helping you out. That very much makes my heart smile. In May of this year,I will be living with the is disease for 19 years. I was diagnosed in my twenties. I ride the wave of emotions that come with living with a chronic condition. I have sought out a professional mental health counselor which has been so very, very helpful to me. It's not like any of us willingly sign up for this diagnosis. I have learned it's OK to get help and to reach out to supports like this community. This truly is a community of people who truly gets it and cares. We are very fortunate to have you in our community. Maureen writing and sharing like you did is not easy. You are really good at articulating your feelings through words. Your words are power. Don't ever forget that. I personally have used my words and the written word, to help me heal through my RA diagnosis. I have attached an article link below that I wrote that I think might be of interest to you. <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/journaling-symptom-reduction' target='_blank'>https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/journaling-symptom-reduction</a> Also, Maureen I really appreciate you attaching a picture. In which by the way you look stunning. It's so nice to see a face attached to your beautifully written and well articulated story. We are so much more than our diagnosis. Stay awesome Maureen!!! I am very much looking forward to reading more of your writing and posts. Just Keep Swimming....Lynn Marie, "RheumatoidArthirtis.net Team Member" 
1. maureen55 Member
 
 <inline-mention username="Lynn Marie Witt" user-id="3244142"/> thank you so much Lynn for those lovely kind words and thank you also for your link to journaling article that I will read. I’m so sorry that you have lived with this at a very young age your 20’s, mine was from my 50s, (I’m now age 77) except for when I have flares, after showering, I wear my good clothes, jewellery, perfume and make up, even when I’m not expecting company, on flare days it’s a body wash and fresh clean nightie. I’m so happy that I found this group, it lets us say how RA is impacting on our lives, knowing that members understand and are very supportive.Thank you so much, all good wishes for many good days, and love and hugs for the days that are hard to go through. Maureen55
maureen55 Member

<img src="/content/images/2023/03/01/eb953fb0b2b5e184adcde62627d251fa_medium.jpeg" alt="My lovely husband before he passed away with heart failure, x" class="uploaded-image"/>
1. Lori Foster Community Admin
 
 What a heartwarming photo, <inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/>! I can see the love between the two of you. Thanks for sharing and brightening my day. - Lori (Team Member)
terrymca Member

Sometimes, all we want to do is throw a temper tantrum. Why can't I do this? Why does everyone else get to do what I wish I could? I was diagnosed with RA at the age of 33. My son was only 10 at the time. I did the same thing, I had the same questions, why can't I go play ball with my son? Why couldn't I put on a pair of roller skates and take him to the skate park? There were so many things I wanted to do but I was physically unable, and this set off my depression again. Things change as we find answers, however. With a good doctor and treatment plan, my "why can't I's' changed to 'hey, I can do this'. I focused my energy on what I could do, like taking my son fishing, sightseeing, teaching him how to cook, and caring for a garden (so he could help me out on my not-so-good days). I taught him vehicle maintenance, the importance of being kind to people, and fostering relationships. Out of the 11 grandchildren, he is the only one that calls my parents at least once a week, the others do maybe once a year. We focus on the good days, on the things we are able to accomplish, and on stretching exercises to continue to do what we currently can. We find the positives in life and teach others to live in grace by continuing on with our lives. When we run into a not-so-good day, we lounge in our nighties, take our meds, and wait for the pain to pass. We get up the next day and look forward to what we can do again. 
1. maureen55 Member
 
 <inline-mention username="terrymca" user-id="3247303"/> your words are lovely terrymca, it’s so nice that you have a good relationship with your son and your closeness with each other and spending time teaching him skills will bode well for the future. It’s nice that one of your grandchildren keep in contact with you each week, I’m fortunate that all my family live in my locality so I see them quite often. all good wishes, Maureen55 
2. Erin Rush Community Admin
 
 <inline-mention username="terrymca" user-id="3247303"/>, yes! To all of this! It can be hard to stay positive when living with a chronic condition like RA, and the occasional temper tantrum is ok, in my book. But, it's important to look at all the one can still do and all the good things that are still to be found in this world. And, yes, lounge in jammies and take a rest day on those not so awesome days! Thanks for sharing! Erin, <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net' target='_blank'>RheumatoidArthritis.net</a> Team Member.
CommunityMember0153b9 Member

<inline-mention username="maureen55" user-id="3201588"/> I can relate to your feelings of resentment and envy of others. I have the arthritis trifecta: fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis and a couple years ago rheumatoid arthritis. I too wanted to be able to do more than I was...my doctor told me to give myself some grace. I am using my "down time" to reevaluate what my purpose is now. 
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMember0153b9" user-id="8519207"/>. Giving oneself grace sounds so easy, is so hard, and also so essential. Chronic conditions like RA often throw life off-track and leave one wondering about direction and purpose. You certainly are not alone. Our patient leader Leanne wrote here about reclaiming her identity and the quest for a new purpose: <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/misplaced-identity' target='_blank'>https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/misplaced-identity</a>. It seems good that you allowed yourself get to that period of grace and downtime before doing the reevaluation - allowing yourself to focus on doing what is right for you. Best, Richard (Team Member)
2. mlynn Member
 
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember0153b9" user-id="8519207"/> , I like your plan of reevaluating your purpose. In many ways, I am not the same woman that I was prior to RA and multiple joint replacements. I've learned some valuable things about myself because of RA. But as the disease progresses, I can become anxious and uncertain with new or worsening limitations. You have given me something positive to think about in terms of purpose. Can I do things the way that I used to? Some, sadly, no. But I can learn new ways of adding something meaningful to the lives of those around me.
mcadwell Member

Wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling the same things. I'm sending you many, many virtual hugs!
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 
 Hi <inline-mention username="mcadwell" user-id="3207174"/>. Thanks for sending the kind thoughts - always great to see the way community members look out for each other. How are you currently doing? Best, Richard (Team Member)