Hi, so glad to have joined the group here and on Facebook.
I have been in such a fragile state lately. I’m on 25 mg (1 ML) injections on Tuesday’s. I been feeling great since i started it, first in pill form but switched to injections. I even was in remission. But lately I have started getting very depressed, fatigued, stressed beyond what any human I thought could handle. My husband and I are self-employed. I run the office and he does outside service work. We been in business since 2001 and we recently hired an employee, about 3 months ago. My work has doubled as well. I work in my home office and never get out. This last weekend I went to Las Vegas and we took Friday off as we are closed on weekends anyway.I came back to 46 messages…actually 12 but as I tried to get them more came in. By 1:00 I had made my last return call as the phones slowed down. I not only answer phones but run the office, ie pay bills, payroll, accounting, submitting invoices for payment and so much more. I have severe RA and I don’t know if it’s the RA, the job (I have people in our industry who tell me they have 2-3 gals doing what I do) which is not an option. What keeps me from getting so behind and getting things done are the phones. I don’t take breaks and many times forget to eat lunch and finally at 4 PM I do. I wake up at 5:30 Monday through Friday, have coffee, help get things ready for the office but lately the thought of getting in there early makes me sick. I started to get major panic attacks in there during the summer as I felt trapped, no air would flip out making my husband open a window. I have found myself outside pulling a chair into the sun with the phone in my hand considering calling my psychiatrist because of the severe depression. I’ve felt only once like walking into my pool and not coming up. That was bad that day. I think a lot of it is job burn out and the RA doesn’t help. I shut my phones down at 5:00 and find myself making invoices for the next day and sometimes am in there lately until 6:30-7:30 PM with the family asking, What’s for dinner”. I use to be able to at least get dishes in the dishwasher or laundry done but I feel so overwhelmed and I can’t get anything done (the super important stuff) while phones are ringing. I dread work, plus I am on Xanax due to extreme anxiety. That started mid last year before I was officially diagnosed. My husband was always about answer every call. So I would eat lunch in the living room with phone in hand. Lunch was often 10 minutes then back to work. Now I get no break and eat at my desk. My mental and emotionally state is so bad right now I am skipping my MTX injection just one time today. I did during the summer when my doc told me to because I got a bad heat rash. MTX makes me sick, tired and nausea plus I was just diagnosed with gastritis on top of it all. Hmmm…wonder why? My only saving grace is I was diagnosed several months before the RA with ADHD (I’m 51) and the drug I take helps with my fatigue as well as brain fog. I get out every morning was well and clean my horses, feed etc. I live for that. Once I come back in the house and shower I feel great.
My question is how to cope with the job burnout. I really think that has a lot to do with it. I NEED to be able to shut my phones down at least an hour a day and two 15 minute breaks or I’ll lose it. I go out mid day and give our horses lunch which helps but I want to come back in and do paperwork without being disturbed. Get invoices submitted so we get paid, make the calls I need to other companies regarding issues that need to be taken care of and do it without feeling guilty. When I do it after 5 I am a zombie and my house is a mess, nothing gets done. Last Tuesday I worked until 6:30 PM and then fell face first into my couch and daughter even had to check a couple of times if I were alive.
I need to learn to pace myself. I need to learn how to do these things so I can catch up with work. It got worse when we hired someone(yes, we all want to make more money) and my work doubled. But if something is not done I am going to loose it….bad. My horses are my life and we do camping and riding on weekends. I use to ride after 5 during the summer at least 3 times a week until I got RA and that summer was so humid and I was so tired. Then on weekends as well. I am killing myself mentally, physically and emotionally to the point hopelessness is setting in. I really think it’s burnout and not so much the RA but I’m sure it plays a part in it. There is nothing worse than walking by your kitchen during work hours and not being able to clean it up because there is work to do.
Getting help in it is not an option either. Just teaching someone would be stressful because I can’t teach 30 years of our industry to some teen or young adult.
Any help, suggestions…… thanks so much.