Family
I am fine - all the things that RA does - yeah. I actually have bouts of not believing I am sick. Yesterday morning, in my morning shower, I decided I was just being a wimp…get over it. I left the hotel for the job site and forgot my meds. By midday I was in screaming pain driving back to the hotel to get my drugs. 😀
Ok…I am watching an ill friend…multitude of things wrong. We talk - by agreement to lesson the load on our families…who, often, while they love you…can get worn out. You hesitate to do things - in a lot of pain. You take prednisone and are irritable…y’all know.
I worry about marriages coming unglued from the stress.
Comments?
Hey wish you didn't have to worry about such things, but its there for all of us. Appreciation and Communication is a way to go with this I would think. Let them know how much you appreciate what they do for you, family and work. Recognize (voice) to them that you know it has to be hard for them. Talk to them about your feelings and ask how they feel about how your relationship is holding up to the stress of these diseases. Ask if there is something you could do to give them a break, maybe watch the kids for the day so they can go hang with friends or shopping etc... Take them on a date, even something as a picnic to a park with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you make. Sometimes its the little things that help with all the bigger problems. Not saying this will be the answers you are hoping to seek, but if you do not talk to them (spouses) then you will never know, the stress of you not knowing is just as bad for all concerned also, maybe the spouses are thinking the same way, but not sure how to address you about it. If you all have children, well that would be a communication with you and your spouses as the children get old enough to start questioning why daddy can't do .................? To help, maybe check out information on how to help care givers also. Essentially that is what your spouses are even if its just managing the home and children.
I warm my husband when it's "Steroid time". This gives him fair warning of the mood swings that are about to happen for a few days / weeks. He does appreciate that fore warning he tells me. there is a few other little quips we do when one or both of us need a break from the woes of the life we have, but it does work for us.... 33 yrs together, 20+ with the DX of RA and few other chronic problems.
I wish you and your ill friend the best..... hugs for your both and your familiesLike that you warn your husband…we are getting better at that. I get that question….”Why are you so-o-o-o angry?!?” Now we both know…knowing/recognizing the source of the anger/irritability, is a huge upside.
I think other relationships, e.g., work, church, can be more difficult.
Great response.I no longer work, on disability. Well I can tell you that I was not taking steroids during work, but I was forced in to early menopause and that gave just as bad mood swings as steroids, but the timing of them was not as predictable as the steroids. With that, I became really quite when I was angry and just worked that much harder as the physical part of the job, eventually those around me caught on to the mood swings standards of my work for my job did not have many "harder physical parts to it". Anyway my children ( daughters) were younger and were at school and daycare, by time we all got home together we were all tired and so busy ending the day and getting ready for the next they were not affected truly until their pre and teen years not by the menopause anymore but the RA showed up and then that started the new / old trend of the mood swings. Explained the steroid thing to them as if I was having my monthly cycle, they understood and that was that for they were now enjoying their "friend too". What a crew we were 3 females against 1 male, Yes to this day I feel for my husband, but at least he has "partners in suffering" meaning our son-in-laws. LOL As for family and friends, well I have always been a pretty open book with those closest to me, so they are really cool and I keep visits or phone conversations shorter then normal thus lessening the chance of the Rampage or the Melancholy moods that might appear out of no where. Thank goodness that some of them have taken steroids too and some of the females are now at the proper age for menopause, so I am there if they need to chat for have already been there and done that. I feel very lucky for the communications skills that my illnesses over that last 32yrs total have given me, it took time, but it tends to work.
When I am out in the general public I have learned to use my Parenting Faces and tones if speaking to someone that cause me to want to react to them in a more improper way. If you are not a parent and have not acquired such skills, think about when you were younger and your parent(s) would look and react to some of your naughty or silly antics and apply to the situation you might find your moods with those individuals. Nothing harsh has to be said, a little face and walking away can usually do the trick to make your point known and make you feel ok that you did not Jump Out and Slap someone silly. LOL I am sure as you are aware of what can occur, in time with practicing communication with those closest to you eventually will help with those that are there just for that moment in time.
If all else fails, there is always adding a new medication to help with those mood swings for a short period of time, chat that up with your doctor of course. Currently while on steroids, my doc has me doubling my antidepressants and then on a low dose anxiety medication as needed for those REALLY rough days. It has helped!
At our home we find laughing at ourselves and each other at times does help ease things too. You know, those ugly noises we tend to make when we move sometimes, well those are now old man / lady noises, or if I see my husband trying to get out of a chair, I grunt for him to help him get up, he does the same for me at times ... just a little goofiness can go along way.
May the bird of happiness give you a flower and not poop on your head today! Seriously, hugs to you!
