Managing Shame
Do you experience shame when it comes to RA? One of our writers shared how, for him, RA triggers shame (https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/?p=40217). For those who can relate, do you have any tips on how you manage those feelings?
Yes, I often feel shame when I have told people in a couple of groups that I belong to that I’m not well enough to attend a meeting, and then they see me looking perfectly healthy after I’ve taken pain meds & anti-inflammatories …
, I know you mentally know this and you have probably been told this, but you do not need to feel any shame or guilt for taking care of yourself and your health in the best way for you. Gentle Hugs, Erin, RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member. Thank you, Erin! I’m grateful that I usually look much better than I feel, but I worry that others see me as either a liar or a flake for having to cancel so often. That’s the most difficult part of this as I’m sure you understand. Appreciate your kindness!
I have had a very difficult time requesting wheelchairs or rides in airports. I do not call it shame because I am not doing something wrong. I might be embarrassed or shy about it but not shame as if I am doing wrong and must confess a sin.
To overcome the shyness and discomfort, I bring a cone. The airport personnel have been very helpful instantly if I just bring a cane. So thats what I do on days when I don’t need my walker.Sorry to clarify, the cane does not work for me to get around a large airport. I bring it because if I have the cane then someone offers the wheelchair and I don't have to request it. I find they are quick enough to bring the equipment at JFK and SFO and LGA at least before Covid. I have not taken a plane since the pandemic started so things may have changed. Ah! That actually makes really good sense! That's a great idea! And yes, major airports tend to be pretty good about providing quality adaptive services. Thanks for clarifying and apologies for missing the point!
Best, Erin, RheumatoidArthritis.net Team Member.
I bring a cane not a cone
Yes, I feel shame at least once a day. When I'm walking to catch a bus or the ferry, and I walk to slow for folks, so I try to get out of their way. When I ask my husband to help with shopping because I can't do the Walmart run anymore. When I couldn't cook Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas dinner because I can't stand up long enough right now because of all the pain in my back.I feel shame and guilt and kinda useless because I just can't do all the things I used to and I really don't look all that sick on the outside. yes it is a matter of empathy and also being humble. Realizing that we often don't realize just what other people might be going through, just because it isn't always readily visible. - Reggie, RheumatoidArthritis.net team member you are such a lovely lady, kind hearted. I’m grateful to read you 🤗🤗🤗💙❤️💐
